jonberger

Enclosed please find your necklace
which you seem to have misplaced
the last time
you stopped by.

I found it resting
atop the basement freezer
where we discussed
what we could make for dinner
but
somehow
never got around
to doing.
I guess we got distracted.

I guess I got distracted, too
which is why I failed to return it
in a more timely fashion.
I’m sorry for that.

And
I’m sorry for the words
said in anger
at the end of that last visit.
I did not mean
a good forty percent of what I said.

For example,
any things I might have implied
about the stupidity of wearing
some ivory skeleton key
stolen from an ex
as some kind of sex totem…
well,
I didn’t realize the power of such things
at the time.
So I’m sorry
for the tone.

The radio silence, too,
should be forgiven.
I was not prepared to make contact
for a while.
I just…
I needed time.

So,
in conclusion,
I hope you are well
and hope this letter finds you in good spirits
and, most certainly,
I hope you’re still living here
as I don’t know what you’ve been up to
these last eighteen years.

In the dark blue night
she seeped
she croaked.
You must tell no one of this,
she said,
these truths are for us
and us alone.
Regarding tonight,
she said,
you must be quiet.

I asked myself
who I could tell
who would believe me
who would have faith in my word
and accept
such an unlikely turn of events.
I asked myself why
I’d be right to remain silent
and from whom
I should keep such secrets.

I said none of it, though.
I nodded
and swore what oaths were necessary.
I kept my word
and shared no words
about what transpired.
I spared everyone
from the reality
that none would believe
had I said a thing.

I was true
and I was quiet
about everything
and all of it
until now.

During spring
in the park
while at recess
she stammered up to me
looked straight at me
and shouted
“I have a rash on you
and I
would like it back
at your earliest convenience.”

I did not understand
what she meant
but
she fled
before I could ask for clarification.

It’s a shame
that she left so quickly
because she was cute
and I
would have liked to get to know her better.

Is baby-sitting your career
Barbara-Ann?
I ask because
you are quite mature for this job.
Are you doing this
while going to college?
Oh. Well
how’s Junior year of High School treating you?

Normally, I interview the sitters
with the missus
but it’s clear she made a great choice
all on her own.
I have no qualms about leaving you
here
with my children
all alone.
If you need anything, please give me a call.
Even after tonight.
Really,
I want to be there for you.

Barbara-Ann, I leave my kids
in your quite well-manicured hands
and cherry-painted lips
and…
don’t let Henry stay up too late.
He may try to press your buttons
and I feel pretty certain
that he may try to wrestle with you.

If you decide to
I think it’ll make his year.

I’ll see you later
Barbara-Ann
when I come to relieve you
and maybe give you a ride home.
I’ll talk to you then.
I’ll be back.
Have a gorgeous night…

She doesn’t appreciate me
that much I know.
Little as I understand
of what goes on in that pocked head of hers
I can see
she understands me no better
and makes less effort to try.

When she hears me on drums
in the garage
with the other Cool Dads
she covers her ears
and runs to her shuttered room
as quick as jack flash.
She can’t get away fast enough.

She doesn’t see
it makes me young
while she and her sisters
are killing me softly.
She doesn’t get
that our cover songs
our earnest approximations of yesterday’s hits
are attempts to stay in touch
with youth culture.
She doesn’t believe
that the band exists to keep us closer.
She doesn’t believe
I do it for her.

Well, for her
and the beer
and for me
and the boys
and a chance to have something
that they can’t trample on.
She doesn’t see any of that.

She is too embarrassed.
But hopefully
she won’t poison the little ones
or the wife.
If the missus doesn’t let me have that 120 minutes every week
I don’t think that I could make it.

Is he all right?
Give him room.
Let me in!
That was some
incident just there.
How are you doing?

Really?
Are you quite sure?
Usually, when someone is that close
to superheroic battles
– let alone almost killed
due to their reckless endangerment –

Oh! Please allow me
to introduce myself:
Louis Thundermann
Attorney at Law.
I specialize in paranormal powers litigation
and from what little I’ve seen
I suspect you’re explosively in need of my services.

Could you tell me
a little about the accident?
I can see the rubble
the scorches
the flying figures in the distance…
all sure signs of capes and criminals in combat
just which heroes were involved?

Uh huh.
Yeah.
Hrm.
SpiderWolf Pete… bad apple there (very sue-able)
fighting LightingMa –
Who?
Oh.

Yeah, I don’t think that’s a case I’m prepared to take.
Mister Man there has not been particular kind
to officers of the court.
What he did to Werner, Wiener and Wine?
If he hears I’m involved…
This is probably a good one to forget about.
You look healthy enough.
Just a warm bath and a full body cast
you’ll be right as rain.

If you’ll excuse me.
Louis Thundermann is not one to run away from injustice
but I think I hear an ambulance
somewhere, and…
bye.

In retrospect
I don’t know why I was surprised
why I thought it could end any other way.
You seems so engaged
when we first spoke
and the next few occasions
but somehow
somewhere along the line
something happened
and you changed your mind.

You changed your mind
and found better people to talk to.
You changed your mind
and went to hipper clubs.
You changed your mind
and got wiser advice.
You changed your mind
and your taste
and left me far behind.

I get it
if I think about it
just s little bit.
You would never have settled for my kind
when there are so very many fish to fry
in the sea
that are so much tastier.
It makes sense that you’d sample
everything available
and decide what was best
and obviously
that weren’t me.

I understand.
I shouldn’t have bee surprised.
I ought to have expected it.
Still
it hurts
and knowing what I know
I think I never should have tried to get you
to buy my World Book collection.

I dreamed you were dead last night.
Not fantasized – dreamed.
I didn’t even realize it wasn’t real until
I saw your note
telling me to donate to whatever cause
you currently care about.

I hadn’t heard from you in months
which I’d gotten used to
– though didn’t enjoy –
and this is how you opted
to reinitiate?
Some rote note about
orphaned squirrels
where I’m included
amongst your adoring masses?
It seems sort of like
I’ve been dead to you, too.

I don’t know
what inspired me
to imagine you in dream
but it made me recognize
how whether you or I
are ghosts to one other
doesn’t matter so much
if we didn’t even notice the passing.

May the two of us
rest in pieces.

The Smoochies suck since their first album
after that
they let themselves go.
Ever since, the band’s been crappy.
Trust me; I know.

They used to play in this part of town
right here in this neighborhood.
But since their sophomore slump you see
they aren’t very good.

The Smoochies wrote songs that mattered once
they really knew what it was about.
But things have changed; they’re song are lousy.
Yeah things have changed
since hey sold out.

You’re not on top of what you should be.
You have not made the choices
or committed to decisions
like you’re expected to
at your age
and social position.

You are not the man you could have been
had you spent more time leading
learning
training
attaining experiences
and less time playing minesweeper
and farting.

You could have been one of the greats.
You could have been better.
You could have been respected
BEEN somebody.
Instead
you’re this
and that is not too much.