jonberger

You struggle to be healthy
to look good
to feel good
when you’ve looked good and felt good
for so long now.
You’ve had no complaints.
Small complaints.
Virtually no complaints.
The glass has no cracks to be uncovered.

You’re healthy.
Could you be healthier?
You could always be healthier!
Everyone in this modern America could be healthier
like everybody could have better relationships with their parents
(except you. I’m sorry for your loss).

I think there are things to worry about
and then there are things to worry about
and you
you are worrying about nothing.

So don’t worry so much.

When I saw Beauty, I tried to take her in.
I approached slowly, carefully,
so as to not scare her off.
She didn’t seem frightened at all
so I decided to make contact
but my dumb tongue became numb.
No words escaped my stupid lips.

I attempted a friendly gesture to Beauty
but my farcical fingers twisted into shapes
obscene and ridiculous,
making her look concerned and sympathetic
but mostly confused.

I tried to smile
to show I meant no harm,
but I’m pretty certain I licked chapped lips
which could have given some some mixed message
or other
and I believe a smell began to arise from me
that simply should not arise from a mature adult
past adolescence.

I am not under the impression
that Beauty is struck by me
the way that I was struck by her.
I suspect, rather,
that if I’m ever to be struck by Beauty again
it will be with a two by four.

They used to confuse me with John S. Hall,
which is a fucking big compliment
but hard to imagine.
Though we’re both white and bald,
I outweighed him by a shit-ton,
I never wore a hat,
I’m louder and more garrulous,
and I ain’t famous
(even in this hipster sort of way).

We shouldn’t have been confusable.
I mean, I did write poetry
in a style similar to his
– in a scene that he had helped popularize
and, again,
there was the bald thing…

So I would occasionally get people mentioning my old band, King Missile,
or my famous works, “Detachable Cock”
or “Martin Scorsese Was Way Cool.”
Instead of being really proud, though,
I’d become incredibly embarrassed
and try to get out of the interaction.

I’m not sure why.
Maybe because I wasn’t the other guy.
Maybe because I wasn’t prepared to explain the confused person’s error.
Maybe because I was a poseur trying to get off on John’s reputation.
Anyway you slice it,
I was ashamed and would always seek to escape.

Now, nobody makes the mistake.
John’s out and about more,
so people are more sure of his identity
or perhaps I’ve made my presence more known
(but probably the first thing).

I’m glad of that.
Anything to reduce my shame is a good thing.
A good goddamned thing.

I got the money for the last job
so I was feeling pretty stoked
until I saw the fine print
and discovered I was to be paid
in credit at the company store
which I had temped at
so I had no further connection with them
and wouldn’t have need for any branded merchandise for their team softball games
or anything like that.

I was pretty sure the temp team would lose,
anyway.

The fine print was always there to read
so I only have myself to blame.
Myself, and a kleptocracy that allows companies to get away
with this sort of payment system.

Live and learn
– if I survive long enough.

The climate is warm
the atmosphere inviting
no one seems to be inciting violence in the ways I like,
but it’s still early,
with hours yet
to see the proper kinds of damage done.

These shores may prove to be a worthwhile place
to have planned some remote exploration
with the locals and I learning much
of one another.
I hope the days prove fruitful
and survivable.
Let us see what we shall see.

You think you’re surreptitious,
but you’re nothing of the kind.
The flash unmasks you
admits your digital desires
provides proof of possession of interests
you’d hoped to keep hidden.

Now everyone with vision
knows who you are
what you are doing
what you want.
This is the opposite of your plan
the very antithesis of what you wanted.

Too late,
you stealth away your phone,
the illicit means of recording,
and wish you could skulk away yourself
but the train will not be stopping
for another thirty blocks
which feels approximately
like forever.

I am going under
after all the failures before me.
I ate no pies on Pi Day.
I have drunk no St. Ides
on the Ides of March.
No dime bags were purchased
on the March tenth
and I have no plans
for May fourth in this galaxy
or any other.

I am a disappointment to my fantasy life
and all others.
What kind of a legacy
am I leaving for others
this way?

How embarrassing have I become!
What kind of a fool am I
to make of myself
in the days arriving before me
if nothing changes?

Bad day for Guy.
His friends let him down.

He did them a solid,
letting bygones be bygones
and still they’re gonna do him like that:
talking shit
talking behind his back
really laying out the claws.
It’s embarrassing,
is what it is.

Guy tries to rise above it
but he’s finding it hard to do much of anything
in the face of his friends’ awful behavior.

He doesn’t think he can forgive them
this time.

Seeing the power of women united
by a common cause
even if the cause
is a disdain for the enemy
of a gender identity
is a powerful thing.

I want to support them
if I can
if even in a small way.

Cancel my dick. Get it over with.
Cancel my dick. It’s about time.
Cancel my dick. Nobody’s using it.
Cancel my dick.

I realize nobody’s asked for this
nobody needs this
nobody sees a value in this
but I might.

I could see a value in this policy
and might find some fame from a dame
or some shame
(sometimes, it’s all the same)
if it’s enacted.

I don’t see how the cause could be harmed
with this in mind.
Why not give it a shot?
Cancel my dick
and see what good it does.

Through different eras I’ve traversed this curious neighborhood but not in some time. Not, I think, since you left
which has been generations ago
and then some.

I wonder if you ever come back here
or think of the family you left behind
the home you built from spit, sinew, strength
and strident will.
I wonder if those days cross your mind at all.

They only cross mine
when I cross these cobblestones
and I have not done that
for generations
and then some.