My name is Jon Berger, and I’d like to impress you.
My name is Jon Berger, and I think you’re cute.
My name is Jon Berger, and I’m a poet.
My name is Jon Berger, and I’m a genius!
My name is Jon Berger, and I’d like to get to know you better.
My name is Jon Berger, and I used to put out this fanzine, and,
we didn’t have a particularly large circulation,
but the four or five people who read it thought it was really good.

My name is Jon Berger, and I’m bald by choice, not necessity.
My name is Jon Berger, and I think I can dance.
My name is Jon Berger, and my shoe size is thirteen.
No. Fourteen… and a half!
My name is Jon Berger, and I don’t know what to say to get your attention,
but I really want to
– and that’s GOTTA count for something, right?

My name is Jon Berger, and I’d like to buy you flowers.
My name is Jon Berger, and I have a job!
My name is Jon Berger, and I don’t live with my mother
My name is Jon Berger, and I think babies are cool.
My name is Jon Berger, and I can make french toast – two different ways!

My name is Jon Berger, and my aunt says I’m neat.
My name is Jon Berger, and I’m not afraid of commitment
My name is Jon Berger, and I’m not your ex-boyfriend
My name is Jon Berger, and my stomach is tied up in knots
trying to think of what to say to you:
I want to say the right thing, the special thing that will impress you,
and maybe introducing myself so quickly, so readily
was a bad start, and I should play harder-to-get,
but that’s not honest and, and it’s not effective and, anyhow,
I could really use some help, so if you want to give me a clue
as to what I can do to impress you, I’d really appreciate it.
Our grandkids would really appreciate it.
My autobiographer would really appreciate,
and maybe – MAYBE – you would too.

My name is Jon Berger, and and and I’d like to see you again,
like tomorrow, and the next morning, and, and, and…
Hi. My name is Jon.