ALL APOLOGIES IX

Apologies to Jeannie:
I didn’t know better
– really.
I had no better way
to get your attention
and still don’t.
I was so scared,
so ashamed of my body
but amazed by yours
that all I could do
was offer innuendo
and start rumors
and try to get you alone
on the stairs
where I would do nothing but stammer
and spout Monty Python lines
Incorrectly.

You’d been nothing but kind to me
and I was nothing but rude to you
and, today,
a dozen plus years later,
I wish I had become a man
worthy of you
back then
but the strippers and bag ladies who know me best
would probably disagree.

I was an awful boy to you
while mistakenly trying to be man.
If it’s any consolation,
the boy I was is kept locked away
for the murder of the man I never became.

I am so sorry
and I hope you turned out well
despite me.