Admissions

OK
I admit it.

I fucked up.
I did it
and I want to clear the air
and if it means we have to make some changes
then changes we shall fucking make.
I fucked her.
That girl.
You know,
the girl?
Yes, her.

Look:
I fucked her because you wouldn’t fuck me.
I fucked her because you won’t TALK to me.
Not really.
Not in a while.
I fucked her because
because…
because I needed to hold someone again
and you’ve been gone for a while
and were distant long before that
and you’ve had a far-away look in your eye
practically since we met.

It’s like you weren’t really with me,
just near me,
and THAT almost by chance,
by happenstance,
because Lance wasn’t available
or any of those other boys
you so frequently mention
that sound so fucking amazing,
so much better than me.
I fucked her
because she made me feel worthy
of fucking her
and I haven’t felt that
in some fucking time.

I didn’t fuck her to hurt you
or to break us apart
or even to get my rocks off
(though I do feel a lot lighter without them).
I fucked her because
it felt good to be wanted
it felt good to touch someone
it felt good to be close
and I kind of want to do it again.

And maybe that’s the end of you and me
or maybe it’s a bump
and we can see our way past it
and this can bring us closer together
and we can –
Oh?
OK. Bye, then.
Give my regard to Lance.

About Jonathan Berger

I used to write quite a bit more.
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