If you need me
you can call
but you seem to be needing me
for the wrong reasons.

You should be asking for my comfort and kisses
not my shaving apparatuses.
You should want to tell me about your day
not asking how many signatures
I got for your latest cause.
You shouldn’t be using me
to get signatures for your latest cause, anyway
– I’ve been forging most of them.

I really want to be there for you
to offer support for what you’re going through
but I dream of us as an army of two
and I don’t think you share that view.

I don’t think you see us as partners.
I kinda think you’ve got me down
as your assistant.
That’s not what I signed up for
so I’m wondering if
we should break contract.

Call me
if you’d like
or if you need
but please
need me correctly.