Great Aunt

Because Great Aunt Gertrude
(on my father’s side)
has finally expressed interest
in my art
I have given her the link
to my website
(you know the one:
jonberger dot com
"available for all your poetical needs"?).

So now
I have to spend the next few days
scouring the site
for any profanity
or views she might disagree with
or admissions of acts
of which she might disapprove.

I don’t want to get on Gertrude’s bad side
and it is so much bigger
than her other side,
and so much easier
to get on it
(I’m saying she’s fat).

I’ve use a variety of search and replace functions
but that’s changed the meaning
of some of my work, like
a line about waking up in the morning
now reads
"The penis crows
and I get up
ready to go to town."
So this issue
is now compounded
but I figure
with a few more hours hunting
I’ll be able to scratch out any aberrant material
among the one thousand, seven hundred
and ninety three posts I’ve published
all to please my Great Aunt Gertrude.
My fat, reactionary,
racist and cruel
Great Aunt Gertrude.

Did I mention she’s rich?

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