Terror 2

My breath is short
just thinking about you,
slightly from excitement
but mostly from fear.
I have no idea how to be
before you
between my hope
and anxiety,
I don’t know if you hate me
or love me
or even know who I am.

The alcohol
quiets me
a little
but my heart
beats too rapidly
when I enter your sphere.

I worry so
about your reactions
because I don’t understand them
but want to
very much.
I don’t know how you got this important
so quickly.
I don’t know why
I’ve come to hold you in such esteem
but I know how frightened I am
of what you think
when I have so little sense
of what that is.

Half the time I see you
I flee.
The other half
I fly to you.
You polarize my system.

I really think
I’m gonna puke.

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