You were right to throw me out.
I was irresponsible.
I was callow.
I was selfish
and I never left the seat down.
I was a lousy room-mate
and deserved my fate.

I wasn’t mature.
I wasn’t growing.
I was stagnant
and that would never have changed
had you let me stay
rent free
while I worked through whatever issues
I was then suffering over.

The tough love
was all that could be done for me.
You had no choice
and anyway
I would probably have resorted
to prostitution and cannibalism
eventually anyway.
It was all fated
and righteous and unavoidable
and you hold no blame whatsoever
so worry not
and if you would,
please pass the brains back to me.