It’s not easy being the savior of the world.
The number of requests
coming in from an assortment of individuals
– a great number of whom
no longer believe in me
(almost all of which
failing to live by my word) –
is astronomical
and growing daily.

Sure there are real problems:
“Please save my village from flooding”
or “Let the Lightning Beasts
stop raping my grandchildren,”
but more and more of the prayers I hear
are of a smaller variety,
like “Let me make it through that yellow light”
and “Can my team FINALLY win the bout?”

It just gets so exhausting.
There’s only one of me
and my patience,
contrary to most claims,
is NOT infinite.
Neither is my capacity.

You know how many more of you
there are now,
and how many are whining to me
about petty-ass bullshit?
It’s not even only first worlders, either.
I got some people
who really should learn how to harvest their insects for nutritious meals and instead of asking for better crops for their kids,
they’re praying for a better ball
or to not get more AIDS?
Here’s a flash: there’s no more AIDS to get, Malcolm.
You’ve got it all.
Jeez.

It’s disheartening, I tell you.
My staff hasn’t grown much
despite the greater number of living
and subsequent greater number of dead.
My resources are limited.
I have too few assistants
and too few hours in a day.
You’d think I could make more
but it doesn’t really work that way.

If there’s a way,
you guys,
maybe you could lay off the prayers
for a couple of days?
Hours, maybe?
It would be sweet
to be able to catch a breath,
you know?
I’m sure I could handle
a few more millennia of this
if you give me a break.