At the Cafe on a Sunday in February


Stupid bitch just left
her peanut butter and blackberry jam donut
right there
on the counter
completely unattended
while she gets soy milk
for her double macchiato blend
or whatever the fuck she’s got there.

Silly bitch,
to leave her possession where anyone could take it.
Stupid bitch
to think no one will be clever enough,
swift enough, dastardly enough
to do the deed
and dash off with the damnably delicious delight.
Dumb bitch
to believe she was safe
from me.

See how the prize glistens
near the window
just waiting,
aching to be taken by a true man
a man worthy
of that peanut butter and blackberry jam donut.
Oh, I shall dine well tonight
on my ill-gotten gains
and that foolish wench will be none the wiser
as to where it went.
How embarrassed,
how laid low,
how – and she’s back.

Stupid bitch.

About Jonathan Berger

I used to write quite a bit more.
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