Down by the river
I saw my baby
I saw my baby
with another man.
They were walking
and they were talking
and she was laughing
like only she can.

I saw my baby.
She was so happy
as she and jerk boy
walked down the bank.
I was so jealous.
I was so angry.
And alla sudden,
they upped and sank!

And I did nothing!
No, I saw nothing!
I was nowhere near the scene.
I am a good boy.
I didn’t see nothin’.
I have no idea what you mean.

I was in Oakland.
I was the driver
and in my pocket
I had the box
but it wasn’t my car
or my jacket.
I had no license
– I wasn’t even wearing my socks!

The car was borrowed.
What was I doing?
My reputation you shan’t besmirch!
Just what are you
accusing me of carrying, officer?
Oh, please, not the cavity search!

I have done nothing!
I didn’t do nothing.
I was inconveniently on the scene.
I have no clue whatsoever
what you’re talkin’ about, man.
I have no idea what you mean.

OK, I see the situation,
it looks bad for me.
But get this: I’m the good guy here.
As far as I can tell
it boils down to one salient fact:
I just can’t handle my beer.

This is all undeserved
because I was overserved,
and that’s the last thing on the subject that I’ll say.
All right, maybe I’ll be coerced
to make more of a statement.
after the body parts are hauled away

but I did nothing.
I have done nothing.
I am guilty of no crime.
If I had to shout
every thing I have done wrong
I would be a perfect little mime.

But I’ll repeat it:
I have done nothing.
Nothing else makes any sense.
I will shout it out to any judge who listens:
I have nothing to declare
but innocence.

About Jonathan Berger

I used to write quite a bit more.
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