Restraint

I know I’ve been annoying
with my constant pleas for attention
but believe me
– really. Believe me –
every single moment
I have not reached out to you
is some kind of accomplishment
on my part
a heroic act
like keeping sand
from trailing down the hourglass.

I inexorably seek to call you
to make contact
any and every way available

but I know it’s too much.
I know I’m too much.
I’ve realized how I’ve exhausted patience
tolerance and public decency.
I see what’s happened
and the nuisance I am
and will go on to be.

I wish my control were greater.
I wish my needs were slighter.
I wish I was stronger.
I wish you wanted more of me
but the variables are what they are
and I’ll keep trying restraint
even as I am trying

and such a tremendous strain.

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