Well, the days are just packed in this modern life
with enough to do to satisfy eight wifes
and I’ve got so much to do and I’ve got so much to see
and I do all of it so happily!

The morning starts early with some hash and eggs
served by Young Miss Miranda of the famous legs.
I swear someday, that girl‘ll gimme a date
but it won’t be today because I can’t be late!

I’m heading to the pound to pick me up some pooches.
The loneliest ones, I bet deserve some smooches.
When I get em out and make sure their deloused
I deliver them straight off to the sausage house.

Where they turn the warm to hot dogs in a moment flat
and they turn the me from poor to flush – and just like that I feel like that’s a part of a good morning done
but as soon as I might feel a yawn coming on…

When my body says, “sleep,”
I sleep. You won’t hear from me a peep.
When it tells me to sleep,
my R-E-M takes me cycling really deep.
I neeeeeed my sleep
(I need my sleep!)

Whenever I awake it’s time to do more stuff;
like picking on some bullies who treat babies rough.
Cuz bullies are just about the worst alive.
And since I’m much bigger, I can’t let ‘em thrive!

I go to where I see a kid pushin’ around
some other smaller kid and then I go to town.
Sometimes I leave ‘em breathing. Sometimes I choose
to go off in a corner to take a little snooze.

When my body says, “rest,”
I rest. Our bodies have our interests that’re best.
If my body says slow. I’ll slow.
Why fight it, when my body says “don’t go”?
IIIII need my sleep
(I really need my sleep!)

Some people need only five hours
Some people need twenty five.
I can’t imagine getting to sleep that little
in just a single day to stay alive!

The afternoons involve a little bribery
some sex trafficking and drugs, illegal cutlery,
a couple hours bowdlerized revelry
and then some time for biscuits and tea.

For balance is the thing our bodies crave, I think.
We’re here on this blue marble for but one quick blink.
It can’t be all spent at work or in one’s head.
I’d rather do just what I love instead.

When my body says, “sleep,” I kill.
I love to work against someone’s will.
When my body says “snore,” I devour.
It’s the only way through another hour.
I neeeeeed to destroy.
(I really need my sleep)

About Jonathan Berger

I used to write quite a bit more.
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