Author Archives: Jonathan Berger

Your favorite thing then doesn’t have to stay your favorite thing forever. Trust me on this. I used to love Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. Now I’m not big on either macaroni OR cheese, and that store bought stuff? Ugh. Tastes … Continue reading →

I may have never been on Governor’s Island before today. Based on my difficulty escaping it, I may well never go back. It took hours to plan my departure. The line to get a ferry off the island this Saturday … Continue reading →

In the urban jungle I call my home, where there is one recent tree to be seen, I would like to hide my keys somewhere in case I ever lose them. Of course, there are no rocks to put out … Continue reading →

When the water rose the bathroom mat got wet. No one was paying close attention to the bathtub while I on the phone. Someone else should have turned the water off while I was talking, but since I live alone, … Continue reading →

The glasses I got are great, It the thing is, when I put on each new pair, I turn into an entirely new person. With the rimless titanium set, I transform into Egon Terrarium, a Guatemalan Numbers runner from the … Continue reading →

If there’s one thing I regret more than any other, it’s that I didn’t tell you that you owed me for that extra bagel I bought for you. It really sticks in my craw that I let you just get … Continue reading →

Why can’t you do limericks? All these words in all these things you write… aren’t you thinking about your audience when you’re writing? Don’t you realize we have places to go people to molest? We can’t spend all our time … Continue reading →

They knew him far and wide as the provider, the adult in the room, the breadwinner. He was the father of children, but they called him Mister Pathak, for Aashish P had no first name. “I will be spoken to … Continue reading →

Hey Mandy, when I called you with my ridiculously lame excuse, I didn’t realize it was a ridiculously lame excuse, but that was probably because I was ridiculously lame at the time. Shit, if in the intervening years, since… the … Continue reading →

If you get caught red-handed with the drug-pile and find a way to blame it all on someone else, or if you accept blame but somehow work it so that another victim takes the pelts. Or, say you commit the … Continue reading →