Author Archives: Jonathan Berger

He said he had written his last anthem but refused to play it for fear that once it was played, his world would shatter and all would be as crust on old moldy bread that had somehow inexplicably shattered. So … Continue reading →

Allow me to posit the following: For every Elvis Costello there are, out there, a thousand Elton Motellos, (writing their songs from a backing track they bought from a record label) and for every Elvis Costello there is one millionth … Continue reading →

There is no one I know within 60 Blocks of my home. With my car, with trains, with civilization firmly in place, that means little. It means next to nothing. If the power goes out that seems like a lot … Continue reading →

 My mother who occupies much of my attention is getting older. This may be a shock to no one. She may not be alone in the phenomenon of “getting older” that I referred to but it is of a … Continue reading →

Death versus argyle: who would win? Kumquats versus Schenectady: who would win? The Who versus “With a Little Help From My Friends”: who would win? What if it was the Joe Cocker version? Joe Cocker versus the Cocteau Twins: who … Continue reading →

If I was given a million dollars to choose between the art of dance and the art of words, I think I would take the million dollars and keep both art forms, because you can’t tell me what to do. … Continue reading →

There is a canine who never has been free. This little doggie is just yearning now to pee. And in your life there simply has to be someone who will walk the doggie. You know full well the someone needn’t … Continue reading →

Thank you for your applause. I went to a guy who told me that my show was going to go well so all your applause is very much appreciated. So get with it. Start with the clapter. Anytime now. Whenever … Continue reading →

The Fulfillment Management role seemed to be one after the other filled by hot young ladies until the last one was fired and there was no one in the role to do the job. For the last two, I had … Continue reading →

At some prior employment of mine, I would work second level customer support, when the first line of defence couldn’t satisfy customers who were frustrated with their email or cell phone subscriptions with our company. Folks would find they’d been … Continue reading →