Category Archives: Uncategorized

The steak and eggs were three ninety nine and just about as good as you’d expect but after walking the four miles to that forsaken diner they tasted of manna from Seven Eleven or someplace twice as good like Seven … Continue reading →

You live too far uptown too far away from anything resembling anything. Your neighborhood reeks of “nothing going on” and your neighbors reek of suburbity. I don’t belong in that world struggled to leave it when I fled for college … Continue reading →

Just because we made out when we were fourteen doesn’t mean I want to be your boyfriend. I mean, I do but it doesn’t automatically stand to reason. Just like the fact that I like your mom doesn’t mean I … Continue reading →

You shouldn’t like me the way that you do. It’s really not right. I am fairly stupid and smelly and good God have you looked at me recently? It’s like… it’s like God extracted all the elements of perfection and … Continue reading →

Were you to go to the woods as is your wont, with me, won’t you please protect me from the various threats that may assail us. If it’s moist you can hold the umbrella. If its dark your smile can … Continue reading →

I know we’re not the best fit: You’re brave and smart and strong and wild, and I’m a devoted reader of Corn Chip Monthly. I get that our heads aren’t always in the same place or even the same stratosphere. … Continue reading →

That may not be the lamest excuse I’ve ever heard but it’s almost certainly the lamest you’ve ever offered. "If Brother Ray could do it, why not me?" Because you’re not Brother Ray, you haven’t been Brother Ray, and, odds … Continue reading →

Do not look at me with that sort of tone, young lady, when, in point of fact, I did it for you. I thought about how generous you’ve been lately with the dinners and the chance to crash and all … Continue reading →

You should let me go. You should allow me to leave. You should show me the door escort me to it, through it, then lock me out, ensuring your solitude for the evening and ever after. You should let me … Continue reading →

I am so glad that your apartment is doing well. Which? I meant the one on Union Square but I’m happy to hear that the others are earning you more than the going rate. And I’m proud of the little … Continue reading →