Category Archives: Uncategorized

I’m sorry. I’m a little distracted, out of sorts, sitting across from you because you’re so pretty and my stomach is upset and the guy sitting behind you has some sort of a facial wart that appears to be growing … Continue reading →

She said “Show me your moves,” and I knew what that meant so I hastened to comply. When a woman asks to see you dance it is a form of foreplay that most boys are too ignorant to respect. Not … Continue reading →

I ate your fries when you offered them but do not think for a single solitary semi-second that I owe you anything. I do not. The fries which you so sullenly offered do not buy my silence or my company … Continue reading →

If you knew me the way that I’d want you to know me, then you would understand exactly what I’m getting at when I say, “Hi.” If you felt the same way about the universe as I thought you did … Continue reading →

Fuck you, poem. You’re not good enough not clever enough not beautiful enough to make my point change the world win her love. Why couldn’t you be better, poem? Why couldn’t you have been written with more goodness baked in … Continue reading →

When we tell our kids about how we met, let it be like this: how you saw me across the room at some friends’ wedding and you saw something not beauty or wit – though, eventually, you would uncover those … Continue reading →

She told me to stop looking at her tits. She didn’t say it like that, though. More like: quit staring at my chest, you fucking mongoloid. I told her I didn’t think I could though I, too, said it differently. … Continue reading →

Reyes on the roof surveys the sunset as the dregs of the day dissipate into a city slowly going technicolor. He looks upon the street below and deems it good. Reyes raises his can and chugs. “You worked hard today,” … Continue reading →

Not all art is timeless. When the Replacements recorded “Answering Machine,” the technology described was new ish, and still, a serious disruption of the telecommunication experience. Also, hauntingly beautiful. But who has an answering machine anymore? Who is out of … Continue reading →

Getting the house to myself is rare rare rare. Sometimes, I like to get fired just so I can have the time in front of the TV – or alone in the bathroom with no one else seeking entry – … Continue reading →