jonberger

This is a kickass product that’s surely gonna shake things up.

I love the sound of it. Absolutely!

I don’t know how it works, but Econo’s Wealth Distributor
will be able to define a community,
from group of friends to nation-state
and redistribute the money by whatever terms are defined.

Looking for a more fair and equal model?
Just set it up for maintained egalitarian
and you’ve got a communist utopia going on.

Prefer the way things have always been
but a little shift with who’s on top?
Kleptocracy, here we go! You define the terms
and see the fundage spill the way you decree.

However you want to execute, the Wealth Distributor will make it so.
Econo’s got the technology to work out economies smoothly and elegantly.

Of course, I sense there might be some difficulty with successful implementation.

I’ve been really looking forward
to getting into the whole UnMaker social system
where I can take things apart
into their component molecules
and get points
that I can later use to make new things
that are like new!

It’s like recycling, only it’s all from the UnMaker shop!

All of my friends have already joined the system
and I hate to be late
for a trend
but this looks like it’s got staying power
so I’m jumping on the bandwagon
and seeing if it salutes!

I can’t wait to trade for my first UnMaker badge!

Yeah the initial investment is only eighty thousand dollars
but it should start paying for itself in, like,
two… years’ time? Did I read that right?
Is there a return policy on this?

At last, we have the capability.
We have the technology to make
those early monster movies come to life!

Werewolves, vampires, Frankensteinian monsters,
creatures from lagoons of all conceivable colors
can be created through genetic manipulation.

We could use them for film, TV, reality programming
or simply tourist packages!

The mind bends at the possibilities available.
The gods weep at what we could do.

We have opportunities to exploit beasts
as never before beckoning the unholy
to do our will in ways never before conceived
and all through the simple means of mastering their sequences.

How hideous. How wonderful.

I look forward to what horrors we’ll be able to create by next quarter!

The kinks haven’t been worked out
but the R&D at Maxifyer Inc.
has been really excited about the results they’re seeing.

They’ve been able to enlarge organic and inorganic objects
equally well – what can be done with these items…
that’s where things get sticky.

When an insect reaches giant size,
it becomes kind of a monster.

A baby is a spoiled brat you can’t control.

You make an apple the size of a boulder,
that’ll feed a town, but how do you go about distributing it?
Maybe you should cut it first?

They’ve worked with dollhouses
to try to develop affordable housing
but the structures prove less stable
when Maxifyed.
The materials don’t meet up to great standards,
you see.

There’s some ways to go
before this particular technology
will reach modern usage
in all its possible applications
but still
exciting to see what we’re reaching for, right?

This is the last time
that I will be suckered
by one of these fly-by-night
pay-what-you-will TransMorph Flora Variant Mark I places.
I should have recognized when the sign was cardboard
that this was not a reputable institution.

"Be a tree," they said,
"See how the other ninety nine point seventy seven percent live."
It seemed like a nice activity
so I got shapeshifted into an elm

but now the company’s shuttered its doors
and I’m stuck in a dark loft
with flickering lights
and I don’t know
if they’re ever gonna pull me out of here.

Is the TransMorph equipment
even still available
to turn me back?

Shit.
What a shady practice.

Still, it’s been a calm decade so far.

As a particularly rape-anxious individual
I’ve opted to purchase a Full Port Protection Yearly Package
from McCaFree (ironic, since their rates are so high).

It’s synced to my decision making capabilities mostly
so whenever I decide “no,”
the impenetrable wire mesh comes down
on any and all orifices
so no foreign objects intrude.

It also turns on when I’m unconscious
or in a semi-conscious state.

According to the internal tracking,
I’ve been protected from 18 foreign objects already.
It doesn’t let me know if these bodies
were popcorn, birdshit or errant penises,
but I’m glad for the protection anyway.

I’m happy for the McCaFree Package,
especially being locked in with this annual pricing.
That would be another kind of unwelcome surprise
I don’t need!

I can’t say I’ve been a lot healthier
with the new Delicializer I bought,
but I’m certainly a damn sight happier.

Making everything delicious
has made every meal a treat
so I can enjoy every food equally
and I never grow hungry.

Granted, sometimes
I end up eating shoes
when I’m low on cash,
but now shoe leather tastes as fantastic as filet mignon
and banana cream pie
so I get along.

Not on nutritional value, of course,
but my stomach gets filled.

It’s a weird new world we’re living in now,
with modern technology
being what it is.

I am totally creeped out

by this recent post-carnation tech
that everybody’s talking about,
where you can bring back
realistic brain patterns of your family and friends
and have plausible conversations with them.

Why not let dying dogs
stay buried?
Really, if you went to the effort
to pull the plug on someone
shouldn’t you have the respect
to keep ’em in the grave?

I’m done with the dead.
I said it!

I have no use for the biologically challenged.

You can keep with your communication with the necrotic
but I just say nah to that notion.

I believe I can flyand these newfangled airwing attachments
can make it so
for only the cost of a small tiger!

Just attach around your pelvis
take the mandatory
three-month instruction course
get authorized by the state
and the local AirCourt you Choose to Use
(Trademark Pending)
and get out there to start flying!

You’ll be soaring the skies
in no time
(be sure your insurance is up to date)!

I just picked up this little teensy app
called Create/Or
which will develop my own personal artistic origin story
or my money back.

I can input my interests and desires
and Create/Or will invent for me
the identity of my choice
allowing me to become
the tusk-selling, heart-of-gold,
patch-wearing, industrial arts
aluminum pan artist I’ve always meant to be.

Talent not included, of course.

It’ll take some time for me to grow
into the role, I think,
but I believe I’ll love what Create/Or has made for me.
I was made for it.

Thanks, Create/Or!