Look around.
Smell the walls.
Feel the tension
years gone by.
Sense,
in this room encasing you
what was once here
what ghouls linger
in every crevice that surrounds.
Take it in.
Experience the history
in this space,
the anger
and energy
emanating,
seeping into you.
Understand
that you are someplace special
that this is where it began.
It’s gone
all of it.
It’s gone
and I can’t get it back.
It’s gone
and it cannot be found.
It’s gone
and I’m lost
without that
which once seemed so important
and now seems doubly so.
Triply – quadrupally!
I am nothing
without that which is missing
but cannot describe.
I am lost
for it is gone
and I
now
am missing
as well.
AntiFolk in Africa needs your help.
AntiFolk in Africa is underfed.
AntiFolk in Africa gets little attention
is ridiculously ignored
is riotously undersubscribed.
AntiFolk in Africa may die
soon
without your contribution.
It’s time
for all the AntiFolk to get over to Africa
and get the fuck out of Williamsburg.
WHY I’M HERE
Harry Houdini came to me in a dream
and he said, “I’m not Harry Houdini.
I’m really Jesus Christ”
but I didn’t believe him.
“You were a magic man,” I said,
“Why wouldn’t you be pretending to be Jesus?”
“I’m not fucking Rich Little,” Harry said.
“That’s a good thing. He’s still alive,” I replied.
“And why wouldn’t I come to a Christian,
if I were pretending to be Jesus?”
“So this proves you’re JC, I suppose?”
“Why not?”
It was good enough for me.
“So what’s up, Dream Jesus?” asked I.
His answer was short and to the point:
“Tell the people about what I said.”
“But… you haven’t said anything!” I complained
but he was already gone.
So here I am
on the streets
prosletyzing to the people
with words I don’t understand
because there’s nothing to them.
I wonder, really,
if it wasn’t Rich Little after all…
You can’t hurt me
for I am impregnable.
I am naturally protected
dense like a shot put
not some fragile clay pigeon
shattered by first blow.
You are in no position
to cause me harm,
your arms not strong enough
your tongue not sharp enough
your eyes not beguiling enough
to cause the damage you seemingly seek
in me.
It’s not gonna happen.
I am impenetrable
today
You no longer hold any power over me.
It’s over.
Done.
What?
I can’t stay
much as I’d like to.
It would be very satisfying
to camp here tonight, I think
with the ever-flowing wine
and your sparkling eyes
but the wine flowed a little too far
a little too fast
and
I’m not sure either of us
are in the rightest of minds.
I would love to stay
but do not think it would be
the appropriate choice
at this particular juncture
and hope
that you agree
when you come to.
When I put you under covers
I didn’t see anything
I swear
and
I left a bucket by the bed
in case you need it.
I hope you slept well.
You’ve known me longer than anyone
seen my ups and downs
and downs
and downs…
Of all those stupid things I’ve done
You’ve been there for most of them.
You’re in a position that I do not admire
to have experienced so many
of my myriad embarrassments
so close
so well.
You have forgiven me everything
– so far as I know
but you haven’t done enough to effect change.
Stop me before I dumb again.
If you see me heading to the bridge
or the river
or the roof…
engage me.
If you hear me saying
"Everybody else is doing it,
why can’t we?"
explain to me.
Speak slowly;
I may not get it at first
or on second
or third base.
Make sure I understand before you let me go.
Stop me before I dumb again.
Protect me from the world outside
and the thoughts inside my stupid head.
Ensure that I avoid
all the inimitable errors
I commit consistently.
Keep me away from sharp objects
and blunt objects
and other objectively dangerous things.
It’s OK to patronize.
It’s all right to insult.
It’s fine if you hurt my feelings
so long as you stop me from getting hurt
from harming others
or discovering I have overspent.
Stop me before I dumb again.
Shackle me.
Shame me.
Blame me for past offenses.
Train me from repeating them.
Make me understand what I’ve done
– for I can’t.
I’m not smart enough.
I’m not responsible.
Make me responsible.
You can help me.
You can do it, man.
Please,
please PLEASE
stop me before I dumb again.
Before anything else
please
accept my apologies
for this beard.
This is not what I meant to wear
when I woke up this morning
nor was it
in what I expected to be seen
throughout the day.
I did not mean to present myself
this way
for anyone
– ever.
This is simply what
I found before me
this day and
try as I may
was unable to remove it
in time.
This beard was not my plan.
This beard was not intentional.
This beard is simply
what is
and for that
you have my most absolute of apologies.
When I take off the mask,
it’ll all tumble down
crumble away
fumble along.
You’ll know who I am
and what I did.
You’ll recognize all the lies
and understand some things you’d
barely wondered about
like how I can afford all those vacations
and where I really went.
When I take off the mask,
there will be light:
It’ll be shed in various corners.
You’ll see me in a new one
and then you’ll light out
to parts unknown
leaving me alone
in my darkness
without even a mask to shield me.
I will be naked.
I will be vulnerable
I will risk it all
view chips fall
risk dangers small and tall
when I take off the mask.
I offered you goblin glass,
the red cloak,
and my better joystick
for what adventures we could share.
I promised you a powered up wizard
and a blind eye to your unrandom rolls.
But I could see
you had a blind eye for me
and wouldn’t be playing any of the games
I’d invited you to.
And maybe it’s for the best.
Maybe my friends are right
and cheerleaders don’t role-play
and someone in the warrior class shouldn’t mess with the Junior Class Treasurer.
Maybe your interest was only polite
and I should have taken the hint you hadn’t bothered to leave.
I just wish it had gone differently
and that my mom is right
– that girls like you
will appreciate boys like me
someday.
jonberger 