jonberger

My greatest weakness?
Well, I hardly like the sound of that.
After all, why should I give you the reason not to hire me?
But if you insist…
(ha ha. Of course you insist!)

I would have to say
that my greatest weakness
is that I get too focused on my work
to the extent of all else.

No.
Really,
my greatest weakness
is my family
– but it’s also my greatest strength.

I think my greatest weakness might actually be
the fact that I can’t get started
without my morning cup of coffee
and when I say, cup, I mean tureen!

My biggest problem
is that I get into arguments with coworkers.
Difficulties arise from my sexism.
My racism.
My fascism
and hairism.

I can’t seem to focus on Wednesdays
since I spend all my time thinking about camel sex
since it’s Hump Day
and then there’s the drug addiction
but
antacids are over the counter
so that’s gotten easier to deal with.

My biggest weakness may be my weakness
and how I can’t lift over forty pounds
– and that’s paper money;
most brits can do that without working up a sweat.

I am not smart.
I am not wise.
I am not interesting
or interested in this work.

Hold on.
I think I’ve got it.
The thing
that is my most substantial fault is two words:
Indecisiveness.

No, wait…

The important thing to remember
the very most vital thing to consider
is to put one step in front of the other
even if you don’t know where you’re going.

The act of motion will get you somewhere
that you could never be
without that first step
and the next
and the next.

The thing to keep in mind
always
is not to think
to cease worry
to
simply
go.

I race past walls
I swear I’ve seen before
going in circles
while running through squares.
I don’t know where I am;
I’mm going nowhere fas,
I am lost without you.

These empty paths,
those echoed steps,
these darkened walks,
these lonely days…
I don’t know whatI’ll die of
but I pray it’s soon.
I’m lost without you.

I am lost without you.
I am isolated in your absence.
I have nothing to say
and no one to say it to,
I won’t ever find my way through.
I am lost without you.

This isn’t gonna work
if you keep going the way you are.
You’ve been in town
long enough to learn a thing or two.
Take it to heart.
Take it to task.
Take is to the bank:
You’re in New York. Talk faster.

You’re here
in the city that never sleeps
which doesn’t mean we have time
for you to pause between every fucking syllable
like you have to think before you speak.
That is not what this town is for.
You need to race your words
to the finish line
hoping that the sentence doesn’t beat your brain
to completion.

Speed it up.
Say it quick
and loud
and profanely.

This is how we do it in New York
which is where you are
so while you’re here,
will
you
please
pick
It
UP?

If you were nicer,
this would go a lot better.
If you were kinder,
I may like you more.
If you were sweeter,
we could go deeper.
If you were hotter,
this wouldn’t be a bore.

If you were smarter,
we could talk faster,
with shorter breaks,
for you “to understand.”
If you were fitter,
or more open, less bitter,
if you were better,
I’d be your man.

If your hair was longer,
your rough skin smoother,
if your pug nose perter
your underlip waxed,
if your boobs were more buoyant,
your voice much less cloyant,
then we’d be together,
my patience untaxed.

If you’d done what I’d said,
if your parents were dead,
in their homes we could tread,
and together we’d live.
But judgmental, you left
yourself now bereft
of constructive suggestions
I so thoughtfully give.