I never meant to hurt you
and though I cannot deny
that cruel things were indeed said
by me
I can say with all appropriate honesty
that I had no intent whatsoever
to express any cruelty.

It was an accident.
I was drunk.
It was late
and I was tired
and I never dreamed you would hear
when I called you a ratchet-faced slag-peddler
and a fame-motivated third worlder
and a bestiality whore.

You have to believe me:
I’d never have said such things
if I had any idea that you
were right behind me,
able to listen to every word.

So, obviously I can’t take back
all the hurt and awful feelings I’ve caused
but is there something else I can offer
to make this right?
Some trinket
or gesture to convince you
that my apology is sincere?

Really, though,
let’s talk about price.
We’ve already established you can be bought.
Everything else is just haggling.