Time in a Jug

I just saw
on Thesaurus dot com
that three of the synonyms for Monthly
are Daily, Weekly and Annually.
This information has changed my world
in very dramatic ways.

When assignments are due tomorrow
I now know
I can take up to a year
to deliver them.
Work has just gotten so much easier.
Also, better paying
because I can now receive my yearly salary
seven times a week
(though perhaps, I shouldn’t be disappointed
if they only pay out
for workdays).

I’m about to get a lot older
and a lot fatter
since I’ll be receiving birthday cake
with every meal
– and I’ll be able to see
Game of Thrones Season Seven
so much faster
since the new episodes
will be released every single day.

The girls I like
in middle school
will become legal all the quicker
but period sex
will be a lot less frequent.

I cannot wait
for this brave new world
opening up
because of the new terms and conditions on time
defined over at Thesaurus dot com.
Tomorrow, everything changes.
Only…
tomorrow is a year away.
Damn.

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