The Guam Touristry Board would like you to know
that everything’s fine.
There is nothing to worry about.
If you just look away for a moment,
everything will soon be back to normal.

The Architectural Association of Guam
would like to inform you
that most of the buildings here
have been made from the strongest materials
with the strictest standards in mind
and there is little risk or threat
of anything bad happening here
ever.

The Guamite Hoarders Group, Southeast Division
is proud to report total readiness
and complete efficiency
in their canned goods drive
with enough product collected
to get the plucky nation through
a particular long winter
after an especially hot summer.

The Guamian Scouting League
has begun to track cloud formations
spending particular effort
in identifying mushroom and missile shapes.
Their work may somehow prove useful.

Northeast Guam Hospital has all the bedpans you can stand.
Guamish Radiology’s got a new ticketing system
that’ll knock you out.
Guam’s Moms have begun to barcode their children
for any accidents to come
and the Governor of Guam
is pleased to announce
that the island is safe and sound
for now.