It was terribly irresponsible
of you
to fall for me
and tell me you liked
me without first doing due diligence
and realizing that I’m kind of paranoid
and overweight and balding
and a little bit batshit fucking crazy.

I really don’t see how you couldn’t have recognized
at least some of that.
The warning signs were all there.
Have you heard me talk?
Read the news reports?

I’m sorry you feel betrayed.
I feel betrayed too.
I thought we had something.
I thought I’d finally found a partner in time
to save me from my own worst impulses
who could ostracize the inappropriate spirits in my psyche
– but no.
We’re both on our own
because apparently
you bit off more than you could chew.

You should have read the label, Buddy:
I was already broken
in the box.