Author Archives: Jonathan Berger

Unknown's avatar

About Jonathan Berger

I used to write quite a bit more.

Genre

Posted on January 8, 2012 - 7:42 pm by Jonathan Berger

I want to take you in absorb your essence suck you dry. All night long I long for you seeking to will you closer to me. Thoughts of you constantly circle me and I cannot bat them away. I’m a … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Errors of the Past

Posted on January 2, 2012 - 11:25 pm by Jonathan Berger

ERRORS OF THE PAST There comes a time when you must heed a certain call, and rush to the bathroom and get some shit done. After that it’s time to rock the resolutions. I shall wash my sins away cleansing … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Quit Me Baby

Posted on January 2, 2012 - 10:32 pm by Jonathan Berger

I know you wanna leave me but you’re just no good at it. You call, telling me “This is the last day of our acquaintance.” but then you call again, clarifying your position, and, before hanging up, let slip, “Talk … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Speak Honestly

Posted on December 26, 2011 - 11:37 pm by Jonathan Berger

SPEAK HONESTLY Excuse me, sir, but I would like to shake your hand. I have seen you here for but a few minutes but in that time, you have become something of a hero to me. You, as fat, and … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Preternaturally Long

Posted on December 26, 2011 - 11:19 pm by Jonathan Berger

PRETERNATURALLY LONG You are very pretty and so I shall listen to what you have to say. It’s not like you’re model hot. You’re more like super model hot with that uberhuman ability to make blood rush downwards in any … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Another Story

Posted on December 26, 2011 - 10:37 pm by Jonathan Berger

ANOTHER STORY Your idea for a novel is… novel, I guess. I don’t think I’ve heard of it before but, I suspect, there’s a reason for that. How does your narrator learn that his mother is a mantis? Does she … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Zombee Tree

Posted on December 20, 2011 - 12:24 am by Jonathan Berger

ZOMBEE TREE It has taken two thousand years, but the evergreens have learned from our Lord and, three days later, will rise from the dead and return to life. The Christmas trees are coming back to haunt those that cut … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Your Santa

Posted on December 20, 2011 - 12:16 am by Jonathan Berger

YOUR SANTA (after Jon Berger) I want to be your Santa Claus, but I am only some nameless elf, struggling to make something – anything – that will make you happy. I want to be your Santa Claus, but the … Continue reading →

Posted in Christmas | Leave a comment

New Resolutions

Posted on December 19, 2011 - 10:22 pm by Jonathan Berger

NEW RESOLUTIONS I have started my New Year’s Resolutions early so I can break them sooner, and get back to business as usual. There shall be real tuna for the cats this Christmas. None of that vegan shit. It was … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Santa Is

Posted on December 19, 2011 - 10:14 pm by Jonathan Berger

SANTA IS (after Jon Berger) Santa is a dude. Santa is a dark dude. Santa is a dark pinko dude. Santa is a dark pinko surveilling dude. Santa is a dark pinko surveilling dude who judges with a hidden metric. … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment