I bought the book
that we talked about that time
about the thing
– what was it about?
We were talking about it
at the bar that time
when we were drinking?
You remember.
You don’t?
I was hoping you would.
No, I’ve got the book
but I was in a blackout when I got it
and kind of when we talked about it
so all the details are
well, you know.
Anyway,
if you want,
I could get the book for you
anytime you want.
What was your name again?
Oh.
Oh, dear.
I think my stomach
is trying to tell me something
and that something is “Stop.
Quit. Desist.
The things you’re doing
are doing you harm
– but not as much as I can wreak
if you don’t stop pissing me off.”
My stomach is very effusive
in more ways than one.
I think I’m done vomiting for the evening
which is a good thing
though perhaps not as good
as had I vomited not at all.
I know that my diet has to change.
I am aware that a steady stream of hot sauces, hot sausages
and cold pizzas
will get to me after a while.
I just just hoped “a while”
was still a while away
and that I could while away the time
until then
having cold pizza with hot sausage
and cabbage and beans
every couple of hours.
Biology cares nothing for my hopes.
My stomach, though,
certainly gives a shit.
Well, that film was shocking.
It renewed my faith in humanity.
Sorry – my lack of faith.
It validated most of my worst assumptions about the human condition.
I’d say the director was a misanthrope
but it was written by someone else
and based on real events.
The inhumanity I just witnessed in fiction
was actually based on fact.
Shit.
My life has been altered, somehow,
in a dirty,
disgusting way.
Still,
the starlet looked really good
before the dismemberment.
If you liked me
this would all have gone
much differently.
You’d have jumped at the chance
to see my apartment
and then jumped at the chance
to clean it.
You’d have returned my calls
the week in which I’d have made them
and mirrored my interest in your fucking cats
who probably should be going to a kitty therapist
for couples counseling.
If you’d liked me
you would probably remember my middle name
and my first.
I’m not great at signals;
I’ve said it before.
I’ll say it again
but I’m getting better at reading them
maybe because you’ve gotten so good
at making your point known
without having the conviction
to say it out loud.
I know you don’t want me:
Your every pore tells me so.
I got the message
clearly, loud
but it can’t stop me
from reaching out irregularly
because I really think
you should reconsider.
I’m an ugly little man
with an ugly little head
filled with ugly little dreams
that I’ve had since I was dead
but upon seeing your legs
in that skirt you barely wear
I’ve been visited by beauty
and I’ve torn out most my hair
trying to come up with ways
I can get you next to me
because I want you, lovely thing,
practically fatally.
Your elbow, throat and ear
are just some of you I’d love
to witness closer up,
whether lower or above.
If you could see a way
and find kindness as a goal,
could you maybe spend a day
with this misbegotten soul?
For as hideous as I am,
I’d appreciate some time
especially since I wasted
on your ass all of these rhymes.
He awoke a new man
and immediately began to wonder
what happened to the old one.
He felt invigorated, renewed
but wished he could maintain
some of the clarity he had found
during last night’s intestinal agony
If there was a way
he could feel best in body
while holding onto
all the lessons he’d learned
from the pain in the dark,
he would have the best of both worlds.
But while rubbing the crud from his eyes
he began to shake
away the cobwebs of revelation
and found himself forgetting
all the truths of midnight
and returned to the sunnier disposition
of today.
He could not have both
the benefits of Morpheus and of Apollo,
nor did he have the power to choose
whose rewards he would be able to hold.
Looking down
the ghosts wonder
why we sweat the small stuff.
They ask each other
why we don’t take longer vacations
better ones
with less clothes on?
The ghosts no longer
see the point in clothes.
The ghosts know the score
but they don’t understand people anymore
even though they used to play for our team.
Since they got upgraded
(their term, not mine)
they seem to lack the empathy
they used to have
back when they walked among us.
The ghosts now look down
and can’t wrap their ephemeral heads
around the stupid shit we do
but at least appreciate
that we still cultivate bos grunniens on earth
which means the ghosts get to experience
yak farts,
their very favorite thing
on this plane of existence.
Go figure.
I really enjoyed your set
which I saw all the way through
from the very start.
You might not have seen me
since I was in the back
beyond the lights.
I especially liked the third song.
It really spoke to me
even though I couldn’t understand
all of the lyrics.
It seemed to me
that you looked pretty comfortable up there
with the songs you did
and the patter in between and
– that fourth song.
Was it a cover?
The Beatles? Oh.
I didn’t quite catch that.
Well, I really enjoyed
what you were doing up there
with the songs
and the words
and the harmonies
– is that the right word?
No?
Oh.
Good job there,
anyway.
Hope you come to my gig next week!
Yeah, that wasn’t so bad.
It worked out
about the way
I hoped it would.
Certainly,
it could have gone worse.
There could have been blood
and tears
and authorities of any sort
could have been called into attendance.
There are worse outcomes:
charges could have been filed.
Homes could have been lost,
families split and careers sabotaged.
We all survived
more or less intact
with futures before us
even if there is no sense
it will be together.
There is still potential
for something, I guess.
It could’ve been worse.
It wasn’t that bad.
Capitalism is based on trust:
anyone invested in the system
must have faith that the units of transaction
will be consistently valued.
As our market share grows
there must come a time
when trust in our brand
will grow beyond any government
that houses us
which is why we propose MACBucks
which will remain pegged to our value
as a producer.
Encouraging our customers
to “buy into” our own currency
will only increase our value
and limit the restrictions
any government will be able to impose.
Questions?
The best will receive
ten delightful MACBucks…
jonberger 