jonberger

MANTRA

"Listen to the winds
speak to you
of the soul’s mandate.
Take stock
of what you do not know
and pray that is someday
arrives to be what you love."

Huh.
That’s crap.
I cannot believe what a fucking twat that guy is.
This is what you chose
over me?
Unacceptable.
Unexplainable.
Unbelievable.

I cannot understand how much
I misread you
and have to wonder
about my own powers of observation if
in fact
I was able to be with someone
who would chose to be with someone
like your current boyfriend.

If you really
can listen to his bilge
and thing that you have any taste
any common sense
or hope of redemption,
then, I guess,
you really do belong together.

Apparently, you’ve taken stock of your soul
and learned
that the prattlings of a douchbag
is what you love.
More power to you.
I’m not ready to listen to the winds
because he blows
and you suck.

HISTORY OF STUPIDITY

God, why would you do that?
What made you think
that was a good choice
a safe choice
an impermanent choice?
Why did you think you could do that
and escape my wrath
safe and unscathed?

In the history of stupidity
there may be nothing
more notorious
than your last actions.
I will not forget what you’ve done
to me
shaming yourself
and forever staining every impression of you.

It’s fucked up what you did
and insensitive.
It may have been thoughtful
and it may have been giving,
but it was also dumb and selfish
and I will never forgive you
for leaving me this way.
If you were still here
I would scream so hard and tell you
I would never see you again
– even if you didn’t think that a punishment at all.

It is bullshit
what you’ve done
and you’re better than this
– or, you were.
Because I can’t say what your value is now.
After that humiliating stunt you pulled
all I can say is
how much less I think of you.

From now
until judgement
you are dead to me
because of your damned idiocy
and what you’ve done with it.

DIRECTION

When Dylan demolished Donovan
back in Don’t Look Back
he showed us all
– even those too young
to view the VHS tape –
what a great creator does
when facing an only adequate artist.

He blazed a banner of glory
and asserted his ascendancy
over all in his immediate environment.
And then he ravaged the reporters
and antagonized his audience.

Mr. D provided a model
as to how to act like a master
which is a false rhyme
of asshole,
probably a more accurate word
and one that Dylan would never deign to use
but then again,
I’m no master
and probably would have treated Donovan better.

JOY BOY

So, it turns out,
three of the boys I fucked
back in high school
have come out
as homosexual
which, if I’m being honest,
makes me really anxious.

If having sex with me
was enough to turn three
hot blooded American straighties
what does that say?
Do I turn boys to gay men?
What is wrong with me?

I am very uncomfortable
with this turn of events
am anxious about my activities
and am afraid
– sp very afraid –
of what this portends.

IMPLAUSIBLE ODDS

To the male and female star
of this dumb rom com I’ve endured
for the last sixty five minutes:
Is there gonna be any fucking?
It’s been an interminable while
and I’ve been patient
but really
I’m about ready for SOMETHING to go on
and so far
this ain’t it.

I don’t know who wrote you guys
but, hot as y’all are
you don’t have much depth
or charm,
or much of anything else.
I don’t care to hear you talk
or interact
or overcome whatever implausible odds
have been stacked against you.

I don’t care about the soundtrack
following you around
or the wacky comedic hijinks.
I’m not interested
in anything that you’ve shown me
so
could you show me some skin?
And some insertion?
And some sex?
Really,
before this movie ends
can you two do SOMETHING?

Well,
the rolling credits tell me
the answer is “no.”
Thanks anyway, guys.
Maybe you’ll get it on
in the inevitable sequel.

ADVENTURE AHEAD

Look at you
lusting after her
hoping against hope
that you could hit that
have that little bit o’ honey
that’s got you all abuzz.

It couldn’t happen;
not the way you’d want.
She’s crazy hot,
sure,
but she’s a hot mess, too.
You could see it
even from here
were you not so blinded
on this night
by the site
of her exquisivity.

Her wild eyes show
some semblance of sanity, sure,
but barely any more.
Trust me:
hers are dangerous curves.

It will come to tears
I can guarantee.
If she doesn’t crush you
up front,
it’ll happen soon enough.

And you’re not listening.
You’re focussed on the adventure ahead
ignoring all the danger signs.
Who knows,
it may be worth it.

EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN

This is a poem I wrote for a particular
beautiful brunette babe
before she burnt me
badly.

It’s a poem that meant a lot to me
back then
when it encapsulated my heart and soul
and everything in between.
I recited it quietly
to myself
sometimes
when dawn seemed dark
with nothing following.

This broken poem
by this broken man
was once
just about all
that I could stand
and now
I stand before you
wondering if you’d like to hear it.

Be warned:
there’s a rape stanza,
necrophilia
and several words
that rhyme with cute.
So: are you ready?

B NEG

Both laid supine,
I could see his holey shoes.
They’re a bit worn, he said,
but I haven’t had time to replace them.
And I thought:
What sort of a man
would lead himself so low
that he couldn’t afford the time
to fix himself up?

How could he be out,
about,
seen in such disarray?
What could make him
embarrass himself so
to be seen
in such shitty shoes?

And I pondered:
Perhaps there are extenuating circumstances.
Perhaps there is some reason
that his physical appearance
is irrelevant to this man.
Perhaps he is poor
and must prioritize differently.
Perhaps his hours and days
are so devoted to such small
sad irrelevancies
that shoe-purchasing time
cannot be budgeted.

And I wondered:
so why is he here
at this blood bank
donating?
Is it court-ordered,
as it is for me?

Then I thought no more
for they took too much B Neg
and I passed out.
When I was slapped back
into consciousness,
he was gone
along with his holey shoes.

TONE

You say
that you are sharp,
snortily sarcastic.
You say it is your way
and you cannot help yourself.
The first is true
– not so much the last.

You hide behind harsh words.
You disguise yourself
in a shroud of spite.
You are cruel
before others
can cruel unto you.

There is no need for it here.
In this room,
you don’t have to be snide
or sarcastic
or smirky
or snarky
or stinging
or standoffish.

You can be straight with me
and say what you want.
You can be honest
You can be direct.
Tell me
what it is
that you want.
Say it
and I may be able to provide.

Your manner is a choice
and I understand it and
I appreciate it
on occasion
but
it is unnecessary all of the time.
It is unnecessary
now.