jonberger

RUMINATIONS ON LAST NIGHT

I should have stayed with you last night
should have crashed at your pad
should have…
I don’t know,
spent the night in your room
under your covers
beneath your hair
splayed across my chest.
I should have expressed myself
more clearly
let secret things be shown
allowed segments of my heart
to be known.

I should have walked you upstairs
ensuring your safety
and allowing opportunities
ultimately unexperienced.

I should have dared
but you could have, too.
Why is it the man’s place to be forward,
to make the attempt
to, damnit, be the man?

The night we could have had…
missing it,
it’s just sad, you know?

YOU MAY BE RIGHT

Maybe you’re right.
Maybe I never loved you.
Maybe you’ve convinced me
that it was all the heat of the moment
the heat of the night
the heat between us
and nothing more.

Maybe there was nothing to us
but the desire
for something between us.
Maybe it was as simple as you’ve said.
Maybe I wanted to love you
and nothing more.

Maybe you’ve successfully made the point
and our past is not what I thought it was
but something starker.

So,
you’ve convinced me
and corrected me
and congratulations,
you’ve won.
I never loved you.
You were right.

THE COMING

If I were dying
would you be there for me?
Would you come to my side
and protect me from the cold,
the rain, the homeless minorities?
Would you ensure my safety
during my last days
as I endured endangerment
and endless illness?
Would you be there for me
and protect me and hold me
and love me and save me?

Would you
because I’d be there for you
weather permitting.

Why do I ask?
Well,
times are tough
and civilizations crumble
and life changes faster than I can imagine
– and I’m a clever bird –
so I want to ensure what few variables
I can.

Swear
that you’ll protect and contain
keep safe and stay strong.
Be here for me
if things get bad.
I’m not saying something’s coming,
but…
Swear, OK?

YOUR… FRIEND

Who’s your fat friend?
That girl you brought
to the last few events
who looks at you with adoring eyes
and unbidden appreciation?
Who’s the girl at your side
the girl you ignore?
Who is your fat friend?

No, really,
I want to know.
Tell me about that weight
you drag around
anchoring you
to the here and now
keeping you from flying away.

You don’t deserve
such a devoted thing.
So real, so secure is she
so much better than you,
your fat friend is,
that I’m not sure I even want to know you
anymore – except for the introduction.

You don’t appreciate what you’ve got
in that firm strong Woman
and shouldn’t have the chance
to make it right.
If you don’t want to know from your fat friend, then,
don’t stay.
Say nay, you ass,
and please
pass her my way.

WIPE

Your muscles have much to unlearn
paths must be forgotten
codewords erased.
You need to no longer touch me there
or there – these are No Fly Zones
and what you do
doesn’t fly anymore.

The training started last week
when you opted out
of my happiness
and my day-to-day.
You have selected a new way,
have found improved gods to worship
and better chants of praise.

But you can’t keep it all.
If you are to know so much more
than you ever wanted with me
it is time for forgetting.
Unmemorize my birthday
and my mothers’ maiden name
– while I attempt to erase us.

We both have so much to unlearn.

CLUB SCENE

The sweat pours,
the legs pump,
the arms sprawl,
the pelvis spasms hither and yon.
The body, disconnected from the brain
but controlled by the spirit
does whatever it can
to show it’s in charge
with an utter absence of control.

The night pumps,
the lights spasm,
the bodies pour into
the club sprawl
where spirits are drained
at whatever charges
they can muster
in the service
of connected pelvii.

The sweat pores pump.
The legs spasm.
The bodies, brained,
spirit away,
hither and yon,
disconnected.
Absent
until the next chance
to do whatever they can.

APRIL’S TOOL

This shit is heavy,
but I’ll lift it.
I’ll take the weight
and carry it
no matter how long it takes
to do her will.

Whatever it takes,
I’ll ensure that her wishes are fulfilled.
Satisfying that girl is what I’m all about,
now.

It didn’t used to be that way.
Many a day, I didn’t care about April’s wants or needs.
But she grew on me
like a hairy white growth
making me stronger
healthier with her in my system.

And I realized how much I craved her
had to help,
needed to please her
in any and all things.

So
I tote barges, lift bales,
I do the work that she needs
and now,
she needs many things.

And if all I ever do
is make up for my mistakes
in yesteryear,
if every day
brings me closer to her pleasure,
then forever more,
I shall serve she
and live as April’s tool.