jonberger

WHEN EVERYTHING ACHES

I’m too old for this kind of shit,
staying out late
after drinking at noon,
trying to keep up with a girl
an eighth of my age.

I did the math,
using a formula
I was able to develop
on a spreadsheet
that was outdated
a few iterations ago.
According to calculations,
I was trying to date girls
that could have been her mother
– and back then,
they were underaged!

I’m too old for this shit.
I shouldn’t be hanging with girls like that.
I should be hanging with mature girls.
Responsible girls.
Girls who would think it funny
that I called them girls.

I should be acting out
with those actually my age
but
ladies my age bore me
and
ladies my age
are not impressed by me
and
ladies my age
will not stand me.
I’m too old for this shit.

I wish
I could have grown old gracefully
or better
not at all.
I wish I’d done more of this
when it was appropriate
– or at least more so.

Mostly, though,
I wish I were not too old for this shit
and
that the drinks I’d served her
were stronger.

MAYNARD

Maynard
who graduated Junior High
two years after me
though one year younger
stayed with his high school sweetheart
instead of college
for some of the typical reasons.

I would see Maynard
sometimes
during breaks or holidays.
He would be on streets
pushing strollers,
talking to neighbors.

I heard of him, but we didn’t talk.
We’d never never been that close
and changes in life
drew us further apart.
But I watched him
when I could
and often thought
“It could have been like that for me…”

I’ve visited my parents
more often lately
as they’re getting on in years
and I’ve required increased subsidies
and I have seen how Maynard is doing.

He is on the streets as much
but he is respected.
A manager
an executive
a hometown boy
who has done good.
His wife has remained by his side
and seems satisfied.

Maynard looks happy
and his daughter
has grown up beautiful
and hot.

BACK IN THE DAY

You may not know my name
but I used to play
back in the day
with The Cold Five Thousand.
We had a pretty big following
on East Third and Fourth Streets.

I was the back-up vocalist
and slide bass player
on the b-side to their almost hit
"Stompin’ on the Sick."
Do you remember it?
Sold like nine hundred copies
in one week!

I’m still out
playing the scene,
getting clean,
wearing ripped jeans.
I’m not everything I used to be
back in the day
but I’m getting there.

Come to my show
at Fatty Arb’s.
Remind me of this talk
and I’ll buy you
your third drink.

THE MILDEST FORM OF STALKING

I watch for you
at your train stop still
with memories of times barely shared
so much as mutually experienced
or paralleled.

I know I won’t ever see you
though I continue to search
even hours after it is far too late.
This is the mildest form of stalking
this is how I still remember you
this is what I must learn to forget.

MAD LEWS

When the first Smookah looked up,
up to the bulbous melannic fruit
and knew hunger,
hunger for the sensuous red bradagh
and their purple nico trals
within,
they had no way to achieve melatasy,
and further knew ektobia.

It took innovation,
and the blinding revelation
from a kahdip youth
to realize
you could ask the melannic
to provide her bounty
by pulling the rarbs
and shaking the tree.

Split melannic
with burst bradagh
and tossed nico trals
spread across the firmament
before being gobbled into somatomei
by those first Smookah.
Ektofram flew.

This, of course,
gave rise to the squridel mass
and its own host of rubrixar
but that cleary
is a plyl
for another jam.

TOURING THE LITTLE DIPPER

The Space Prostitutes do not have it easy.
Sure, if you’re well-off enough
to work on a Pleasure Asteroid,
you can make some good star-bucks,
but for most in the business,
you have to do Call Service
which is rare,
since most ships come equipped
with their own VR equipment to get off the crew
(when they’re not getting themselves off).

The time to shuttle to the ship in question
leaves little profit
at the bottom line.
Sometimes, luxury lines
touring the Little Dipper or somesuch
will hire out concubines.
That’s an all right gig
but not easy to find.

You can do OK
if a Galactic Madam puts up the cost
of a Teleportation Drive
to quickly get from place to place,
but with that kind of cash,
why work in Space Sex?

No indeed,
the Star Whores do not have it easy
even though they are.
Easy.
In space.