Hey, condescending guy:
You.
Yes, you!
How many other guys around here
do you think are quite so condescending as you?
Well, trust me,
if you do think about it,
I’m sure you’ll find that in terms of talking down,
you’re the leader of the pack.
You are King Peacock of Condescension,
so, for that,
I guess, congratulations.

And also
don’t do it.
Don’t be so judgy.
Don’t act so superior.
It’s not like you’re this paragon of perfection yourself,
condescending guy.
Your horse ain’t quite that high.

Just
put a pin in it
and be a little better
to your fellow man
– and woman
(I don’t want you questioning my feminism here.
You’d take any excuse to ad hominem my suggestions,
wouldn’t you?
God…).
You could also be better to animals.
Sometimes
they just can’t hold it in.
Kids, too.

Not everyone clenches their butts
quite as tightly
as you
do.

Please cut it out
or cut it down.
Cut some slack
for those you share the world with.
You may not like everything they do
– or even everything you do –
but we’ve all gotta get along together
or we’ll all fall down.

So
don’t be so condescending, huh?
Be less critical.