Dear Automated Job Search Site Email

with the Do-Not-Reply return address
and the subject header of
Ten Top Client Relationship Manager Jobs
for you
but included listings for twelve jobs
none of which were for the position
of Client Relationship Manager:

Look {sigh} I get it.
Life can’t be easy
for an automated email
especially for a company
that is seeking attention in difficult times.
You and your kind
– and I don’t mean to be divisive,
automated email,
but I think you can agree
that you and I are very different sorts of creatures, right? – will often resort to a misleading headline
to garner attention
but don’t you think
your attached website
and its attendant database
might be able to use a search paradigm
as simple as word recognition
to find me some job options
that might apply?

I am not a Web Developer.
I am not a UIX Designer.
I am not a Head of Product
or Vice President in Charge of Operations
or Sales Manager
or Sales Assistant
or Voice Consultant – must have tri-citizenship.
I don’t know what that even means.

I’m not even looking for work right now,
automated email,
and a lot of it is the fault
of fake new brokers
like your subject headline
momentarily making me believe
there were occupational opportunities
only to afterward discover there was nothing
in the city
that suited my skill set.

So I don’t know why you’re sending me anything, email,
and I certainly don’t know
why your listings are so damned atrocious.
Nobody wants me
and I wish you’d stop suggesting otherwise
or at least remind me less often
but more,
I wish I could remember my password
so I could go into your website
and unsubscribe the fuck
out of our relationship.

Yours in unemployment,

About Jonathan Berger

I used to write quite a bit more.
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