I thought maybe you’d like me more
if I was thinner
so I started taking pills.
Thirty pounds lighter
and not a single better look from you
so I thought maybe taller’d do the trick.
Lifts and stilts
and some steel in my legs
earned me three inches
but no more attention
so back to the drawing board.

I tried smarter
with a new graduate degree
and some memory tapes in my sleep
but I caught a weird Tourette’s tick,
saying shit like “Actually…”
and “According to Stanislav…”
and you asked me if everything was all right
which was a step in the right direction
but not good enough.

I wondered if you preferred people of color
so I got a tan
and then I read Black Like Me
and then I got a Melaninectomy
which was not what I thought it was.
Quite the opposite, in fact,
and I inadvertently turned albino
which explains my day
and why I’ve taken on this new style
so really I was right
and it was a funny story
wasn’t it?