Author Archives: Jonathan Berger

I’m returning the library book the one I got to impress you about the gays in the Germany. You know the one. I never got to read the whole thing, but I’ve kept it to the limit. It can’t be … Continue reading →

Somehow, all at once, I forgot how to tie my tie. I don’t wear them at work and no one was there in the car to help me. I looked up into the mirror struggling to recall this obvious function. … Continue reading →

I am broken. I am beaten. I am imbecilic and embarrassed and embalmed in that I am petrified by all that has occurred and all what might. I was abused and burnt and buttressed by bottom-feeder logic but now I … Continue reading →

I’m told you’re suffering that you’re doing rather poorly that these are not easy days for you. I feel for you and wish I could be there to help you through these trying times but it’s quite clear that one … Continue reading →

Let me simplify the issue: if you suspect I’m writing about you, I am. If you think that this is a snide reference that might allude to you then bingo! You got it. It ain’t brain surgeoning; if you have … Continue reading →

Honestly I never thought I was good enough for you: not smart enough nor pretty enough nor with the constitution to handle those marathon fuckfests you seem so capable of. I wasn’t up to it – I knew that at … Continue reading →

Really? Is this conversation absolutely necessary? Can’t we just agree on the concept of irreconcilable differences and leave it at that? I don’t mind getting down and dirty about this but were I you I’d advise against it. Of course, … Continue reading →

I went to see that band you mentioned the other day. They were not very good. They were, in fact, really quite not very good. If I were to list the top ten bands I have seen in the last … Continue reading →

Is there a pill that targets negative thoughts and isolates them and erases them from the skull? Like a focused lobotomy or a more specific variant of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? Is there a way that movie science … Continue reading →

You’re old and weathered and weakening as you work bones into nubs and get numb. You’re aging and getting worse. Now we are forty and more and each day ends like the last with a crawl to the couch and … Continue reading →