Author Archives: Jonathan Berger

I am not a pretty boy. I am not just a pretty boy. I have more than my curvy figure to recommend me. I have a brain beyond this subtle shape so many find so appealing, a fanciful charm beyond … Continue reading →

Monty and Muriel are dead. I knew neither of them but people I love feel an absence due to their respective absences so I feel a little something, too. Grant is also dead. He’s a stranger to me, as well, … Continue reading →

I love you more than the world and would do anything for you but don’t ask me to give up meat or cheese or donuts or extra-relational sex with the untested or dumpster diving. I will change anything you request … Continue reading →

I voted because I’m better than you. I voted because I believe in something. I voted because it is my duty as a citizen of this land to speak my mind and make my voice heard for all who could … Continue reading →

Nobody uses the Google anymore or even text-based keyboards since thought-driven tech got so cheap. There’s a Museum of Wires for all the things that we used to plug into other things. Nobody goes. All the Starbucks are closing down. … Continue reading →

The barfly that I love is making out with some balding white dude with a wallet chain. Two suitors have been circling her for hours, each more hipster than the other. I think the wallet chain was able to supply … Continue reading →

You know… Really? I have to spell it out? I can’t believe you’re putting me in this position. Fine. I hate being this guy but I have to tell you that there’s a pecking order a hierarchy in just about … Continue reading →

I know. You’re probably right: you’re not worth it. You can’t offer me anything close to what I want; you don’t have it in you. And I don’t have it in me to be satisfied with what you will provide … Continue reading →

Look, we can work this out. We can talk to your roommate or your super or the building management. We can talk to your friends or that boyfriend you – ex-boyfriend? Oh, thank God. There are still options. It doesn’t … Continue reading →

You’ve moved on if ever you were truly here to begin. You seem happy together. You make quite the pretty pair. I think of him sliding upon you tonight doing the things I never dared, pleasing you in ways I … Continue reading →