Author Archives: Jonathan Berger

I couldn’t call the piece “Pimpin’ a Nun,” because that was the punchline of the poem and I didn’t want to give away the game right away so I had to come up with a subtler name, a name that … Continue reading →

She’s too young for you. She doesn’t like the same comics as you. She doesn’t like comics. She drinks too much. She drinks hard stuff. She laughs at the pansy-ass stuff you drink. The way she laughs distracts you, making … Continue reading →

Because of his cruelty Loki is sentenced: bound beneath a titanic snake who drips poison on him so rapidly so repeatedly and with such toxicity that Loki is left burnt and screaming on the regular. Because of her kindness, Sigyn, … Continue reading →

Nobody came to your last fucking show because you neglected to invite anyone, dipshit. If you made the first kind of effort to encourage people to see you maybe they would’ve considered making an appearance. I mean, it’s conceivable. What … Continue reading →

Leap from whatever you see to best prepare for vicious landings. Callous your body with frequent falls. Climb every hillock. Flop into the pond. Inure yourself to every injury day after day year after year. Be your bruises. Experience the … Continue reading →

It’s an honor just to be nominated. …it would have been an honor to be nominated. It might have been an honor if anyone had thought to nominate me. It could have been nice to be nominated. It could’ve been … Continue reading →

I’m sorry. When you told me to watch that very special episode of Growing Pains, that you thought it would speak to me, I took note folded the note up, and put it in my pocket, at the same time … Continue reading →

At his grave site a year too late a better inscription comes to me words that would unite his disparate worlds a statement we could all agree upon: Constant teacher. Constant learner. My bad, dad. Next time, I’ll do better. … Continue reading →

At the cemetery I thought we could find his final resting place by memory (even though the individual rows of graves have names to help in just such a circumstance). We asked for no directions and simply trekked out expecting … Continue reading →

I found your secret stash where you hide the goodies from me so that you can sneak off in the middle of the night or when I’m at the comic book store or whenever I’m elsewhere unable to see you. … Continue reading →