jonberger

I am trying to remain friends
with even the stupid people in my life:
the mouth breathers
the mongoloids
the moron Trumpet strumpets…

Little as I’m interested
in arguments about religion
or politics
or fashion
I know I need their voices
to keep me honest.

I need to hear the idiots
and their asinine opinions
and assumptions about ignorant ideas.
Little as I want to hear them
I keep my ears open
and my mind available

They won’t convince me
on the quality of The Voice
or the matching of socks
or the necessity of mandatory abortions.
Still
I act
as if it is a possibility.

Pretending to listen
is how
we maintain civilization.

Your kisses are strange.
They are full mouth
no tongue
ill-timed affairs
that always leave me wondering what we’re doing
and hungry for more.

Your kisses have the taste
of the occasional cigarette you smoke
the frequent garlic you eat
the rancid swill you drink.
It is a collection that I’m never prepared for
but am always willing to try again.

Your kisses are never
how I intend to spend an evening
but never an opportunity
I am willing to forsake.

So if you would
before you kiss me off for good
could you please kiss me again
well?

I think we can both agree
this is a tough world
we’ve been placed in
a location that can be cruel without reservation
that can thoughtlessly destroy the week.

It is wise then
is it not
to avoid being weak
and to find some way to shore up defenses
if only for survival
in these difficult lands?

We are in agreement
I think.

I think that we will also agree
that there is certainly strength in numbers
and divided we would surely be more limited
than conjoined.

Together
we can thrive.

Does this then sound feasible?
Does this then sound plausible?
Does this sound like a plan
we can enact?
If so
please accept these terms
and this dress
for tomorrow’s proposed wedding.

It seems as if
after a season of crisis
a quiet has come across the land.
We may still walk on eggshells
for some time to come
but
there is peace in the valley tonight.

We will all keep our distance
to keep the peace
to keep things civil
and avoid any more wars.
We will be careful.
We will be controlled.

I will make a point
to avoid pushing buttons
or pulling teeth.
I will work
with whatever will I have left
to ensure
that we stay in this calm space.
I can do it.
We can do it.

We can maintain this status quo
so long
as no one mentions the Don again.

My therapist tells me to go for it.
my therapist says it’s a sure thing.
My therapist explains to me
to never look a gift horse in the mouth
but then I remind him of the counter-cliche
about Greeks bearing gifts
and provide the Trojan run-down of both expressions
and end up paying
after giving him a free mythics lesson.

My therapist is not as smart as me.
No one is as smart as me.
Those that seem substantially
to be as smart as me
always get caught in some error
and then lose their position in my assessing eyes.

I’m often asked if it’s tough
being the smartest man in the room
and I modestly say yes,
yes it is
but I still gladly shoulder the burden
as the price to pay
for being the smartest man in the room.
Whomever I’m talking to
will shake their heads knowingly
but they don’t really understand.
Nobody does.

I’d say that nobody knows the troubles I’ve seen
if it weren’t so damned trite
and that weren’t beneath me.
Anyway
I wonder if you think you’d be able to
offer more sage advice than my therapist.
So if you could stop fighting over those acorns for a minute:
should I take cable’s Three for One deal or not?
Or

I don’t know
if you’ve been following my blog
where I put my poems
(the one at jonberger.com)
but if you saw the one
where I called you a fucking cunt
keep in mind
it was written last week.

It was a while ago
and I was angry
when you took the Filthy Pete
off the table
and I said some things
that I should probably regret
and no doubt will
someday soon.

But like I said
time has passed
and the anger had abated
dissipated
and I’ve become someone far different
from the man who wrote that poem
all those days ago.

I no longer harbor that resentment
no longer honor those thoughts.
I hope
you keep that in mind
when reading that piece.

I’m sure you’ve changed too
and are now far more willing
to reconsider such deviant acts
as the Filthy Pete and –
No?
Fine.

Just
maybe you shouldn’t read my blog
for the next couple of days…

Maybe you’re right
and you could never learn to love me
but really
how will you know
unless you try?

I think I can make a compelling case
as to why we should be together.
I’ve already rehearsed
a series of arguments
that explain what I have to offer
and how suitable our coupling
could be.

I know you have your doubts
and your boyfriends
and Tinder profiles
but I have a wealth of justifications
– and charts –
that can clarify
precisely what I have to offer.

I wish you’ll allow me
to schedule some time
to make my presentation
and also
I’d like to know
if you’re perhaps
amenable to bribes?

You can’t do better than that
and deep down
you probably know it.

You know
there is no gold pot at rainbow’s end
or sunset ride past the horizon
or happy ending after that pricey massage.
Fate is not so elegant.
God is not so kind.

Life is random
and God is cruel
and rapacious
and those that think better
of the world
and the possibilities therein
are stupid
or delusional
or blind.

People like us
look at people like them
and know better.
People like us
do not love life
but survive it.
People like us
look at the world
and see an empty glass.

There is something quite satisfying
in striving
in struggling
in attempting
to do as much as you can
– to do everything you can
in the service of a goal.

Even if you fail
simply endeavoring
straining towards something
even having the desire to try…
it is grave accomplishment.

I have given my all
to only a handful of things
and in none of them
have I achieved anything like success
and I have decided
to declare
that I am proud of the effort
– far more so than ashamed
in the unfortunate results.

I have decided it
I have declared it
and eventually
I may actually believe it.

I will continue telling myself this
until it becomes true
or I die
and either way
I will have done everything
in the name of that cause.

Thank you for the date.
It was very
very pleasant.
You were polite
and friendly
and didn’t order anything outrageous
and you smelled nice, too,

You kept your more ridiculous opinions
to yourself
and didn’t challenge
my most ridiculous opinions.
You barely snorted when I talked about Flat Earth Economics
so thank you for that, too.

I don’t think there were that many awkward pauses,
do you?
…
Other than this one, apparently.
Ha ha.
It was
it was all right,
don’t you think?

Yes?
Excellent.
Then, maybe,
perhaps
you will consider doing it again?
What do you think?

No?
Oh
thank God.