Author Archives: Jonathan Berger

Apologies to the necrophiles and the philanderers and the eugenicists and the pedarasts and the amputee-rapists and all the other special interest groups groups who have no doubt been offended by the mainstream media and their ridiculous specialist agendas. How … Continue reading →

You missed the show. You missed the last three shows all of which you swore you would catch. You missed the last three shows and talked through the two before that. You missed the last three shows talked through the … Continue reading →

I never got a chance to speak to you about your dog’s death. I’m sorry your dog’s dead. I imagine you two were close what with you owning him sheltering him walking him washing him getting him dewormed as necessary… … Continue reading →

When singing songs about Hitler be as neutral as can be. It is not appropriate to seem especially supportive or even particularly awful about the guy. It’s kind of cliche to be all that critical at this point. Basically avoid … Continue reading →

I understand. She’s the meow’s pajamas the latest love of your life everything you ever wanted and the pinned beneath your swing. I get it, I think. She’s special, but is she salad special? Sure, you can go out with … Continue reading →

Excuse me. I heard a sneeze so I said “God bless you” to the ether so whomsoever risked the devil entering in had a chance at salvation and it was very polite of you to say “Thank you,” but you … Continue reading →

When you’re feeling strangely monstrous, like you’re only suited for shadows or a hermitage where no one need know any of your darkened deeds, when you can feel your sins just blistering skin scraping off horrible parts of you dragging … Continue reading →

The white bicycle representing his demise where the flowers used to mysteriously appear has itself mysteriously disappeared. The evidence of Bobby’s passing is past tense. His death bike has gone missing, is what I’m saying. I would like to think … Continue reading →

Guru for a fixer upper with no real potential. Mentor to take over life. and fashion into something worth living. Organizer to reorganize what went wrong into something resembling a semblance of normality. A helpmate to resolve all of life’s … Continue reading →

It’s not normal what you’re going through but it’s all right. It’s not healthy how you’re suffering but you’ll survive it. It’s not good what you’re feeling – not at all – but afterwards you’ll feel some Nietzschean relief, I … Continue reading →