jonberger

The Summer’s about to end
and the new school year is gonna be
just another crapfuck of a Fall
– maybe the last school Fall
if aid doesn’t come
or I discover some heretofore unknown distant relative
with a shit ton of disbursable income
heading my way.
The future’s one bad minute from a suicide pact,
I’d bet,
but that’s not the mood tonight.
That’s not what I feel.

Tonight’s one moment closer to fine.
Tonight is great.
Tonight at Centennial Square
for the Season’s End Festival and Dance
The Good Times Orchestra
kept bringing in audience members
up to the stage, and
eventually, I was up there
watching the audience.

When I saw the people’s faces
the people I had just been among
but was then above,
I had a perfect moment
of being both in the moment
and aware of it,
and how I would have this instant in me
forever
and only then
did I realize that Ginny Linsky
was right next to me
and we’d been inadvertently dancing together
for minutes.

Her hair hit me,
like, three times
while in motion.

She won’t know it ever happened
and the band couldn’t realize what it meant
and the crowd will never imagine my epiphany.
Tomorrow puts me back
at the batting cage
bending for balls
and hoping i get enough saved for homecoming
if I can even find anyone to go with.
I don’t know
what comes next
and I doubt that it’s good
but that can’t bring me down.
Ginny and me…
the songs….
the crowd…

Tonight is great.
Tonight was fine.

There’s a new Starbucks
where I used to purchase a slice.
I really miss that pizza
but the gentry thinks it quite nice.
Doesn’t it always seem to be
that gentrification happens to me?
Cost a twenty for my order
– which used to get me two pies.

I would head to Nino’s
after an open mic.
They were open late,
and once I could bring in my bike.
Do you suppose that will still occur
if I ask that new Starbucks manager?
I’m no fan of change
and this is some change I don’t like.

This place was more fun
back when I was a kid.
Yeah, when I was young,
I enjoyed everything I did.
What with Nino’s lost and now Starbucks found,
it’s getting hard to get around.
These days it seems
this whole damned row has skidded.

This neighborhood
has surely seen better days.
With the old haunts gone,
us old dogs’re finding new ways.
Doesn’t it always seem to you
that the world was better when you were new?
Yeah, this neighborhood
has surely seen better days.

In 79 AD, Mount Vesuvius erupted
burying Herculaneum, Stabiae
and Pompeii in ash.

In 410, King Alaric’s Visigoths
began their pillage of Rome.

Forty five years later, Vandals
led by king Genseric
would repeat the feat
but with a little help
from Pope Leo
who opened the gates
in the name of public safety.

1349 Mainz saw six thousand Jews
killed after a bit of bubonic plague
the last antisemitic act
in German lands
at least for a while.

British troops
came to the capital in 1814
and initiated the Burning of Washington
during the War of 1812.
Foreign forces
have not invaded US
since then.

Later, 1933’s DC featured,
along with Roosevelt’s inauguration,
the derailment of the Crescent Limited train
after the bridge it was meant to cross
got washed out
by the Chesapeake–Potomac hurricane

and in some different year
you were born
making every individual
who would ever set eyes upon you
aware that it was the dawn
of a new way
where everything would change.
You ushered in change
unknowingly, perhaps without will,
but your presence
made us all wiser
and I thank you
and hope
it makes up for all the other shit
having taken place on your birthday.

The moral of the story is that
love is for suckers.

The moral of the story is
the prince may be in disguise
– even as a princess.

The moral of the story is
always come prepared
or don’t come at all.

The moral of the story is
a woman’s vengeance
cannot be defended against.
She will get you
and your dogs, en toto, too.

The moral of the story is
horrors come in all sizes
and at all times
so just hunker down
with your popcorn
and watch as it unfolds.

The moral of the story is
play them as they’re laid
since there be no other options available.

The moral of the story is
be kind to your neighbors
because you never know
when one is gonna up
and whoop your ass.

The moral of the story is
we are all monsters now
and we deserve
everything that had befallen us.

The moral of the story is
quit. It’s over
and nothing else can be done.

Maybe it’s not a conspiracy.
Maybe there are no political ramifications
regarding your rejection.
Maybe it has nothing to do
with gender bias
or antisemitism
or your racial makeup
or the color coding on your files
or that you might be
one nineteenth Cree.

Maybe the way you see the world
is not the only way to see the world
and maybe your assumptions
about truth, justice
and the Amerindian Way
are not as one hundred three percent accurate
as you know them to be.

Maybe your twenty three years
of hard living in middle class
mid-sized cities
and your mid-sized degree
from a middling campus
has not prepared you
completely
for all the contingencies of life.

Maybe being a know-it-all
is not quite so charming as you think
and your rejection
is simply because you have made yourself
so darned rejectable.
Maybe there’s more to this
than you think.
Did you ever consider that?

No, you didn’t.
Of course not.

The Tits came by with my beer
and leaned over
nice and low
and placed it on the table.
I thanked her
with a good long look
and went back to my conversation
with Gnarled Teeth.

Gnarled Teeth seemed really friendly
but I could tell
that her blowjobs would be troublesome
so I excused myself
and cased the place
for another possible friend for the evening.
There was Fatty
and Fatty’s Anorexic Friend
and Desperately Slutty
all on the stools.

There was Cheap Mouth
and Skin Tight
and Fishnets and Whore.
There was Queer Femme and Queer Butch
and Anal And More.
Possibly Gay was chatting with Male Homo
and a panoply of others
that don’t deserve a mention.

I recognized Dumb Bitch
from another night
and Hottie With An Angry Boyfriend
from some earlier misadventure
or two.

The place was hopping tonight
but I could tell
that no one here
would be worth the trouble.
Why can’t any of them see me
for what I am
past the weight and the bald
and the glasses and the gray
and maybe love me
just a little?

I could just tell
that all these chicks
are just so damned superficial.

I could have done the right thing
made the moral choice.
I could have opted
to listen to the angels.

Looking at all the evidence
considering all the possible paths
studying history and philosophy
and aeronautics and geometry
I could have thought long and hard
and gone a different way.
I could have been good.

I had been given all the tools
of ethics
and an honest upbringing
that might have led me
to being caring
and just, and maybe
just a little extraordinary.
I had opportunity.
I had motive.

I had the chance
to be a good little boy
and I could have taken it
and maybe someday
I will.

The fireworks did not agree with her
due to prior history.

I told her there was nothing to worry about
and she looked at me
like I was stupid
which, in the moment,
was very likely the case.

“They’re like bombs,”
she explained, “which”
and she said this very slowly
as if I might not quite comprehend the concept,
“are scary.”

I nodded.
I’d never lived in a war zone.

I wanted to remind her
she was safe as houses
in my country,
my city.
I wanted her to know
that I would protect her
from anything
that might come our way

but she knew better.

The chaos she had known
showed her full well
there was nothing
some little boy could do
to save her
from destiny.

No damage came to either of us
under the explosions
but we together
barely survived a night.

I can tell from your tone
that it’s not working out
and you’re done with me
but it doesn’t have to be this way.
Whatever it is
that you don’t like about me
can be changed
easily.

I’m not tied
to my current identity
at all.
If you need a stronger man
or richer
or more educated,
I will get to work.
I can become
whatever you want of me.

I’m not afraid
of a little effort
or an investment of resources.
I care about you
and I really want
to see this through.
So just tell me if you’re looking
for a taller man
or thinner
or slightly more Scandinavian.

Seeking someone with a conscience
or perhaps less scruples?
I’m your man
or can become him.
I can work out the kinks in either plan.

I can work.
I can grow.
I can improve or forget important aspects
of my previous existence.
I don’t think you understand
just how flexible
I am willing to be for you.
Try me.
Ask
and you shall receive.

And afterwards
when you look at the work done
and see the effort I’ve put into my transformation
and you ask
“What is this patchwork monster before me,”
you will be astonished to realize
it is the very one you created
through your suggestions.

When I was your age
I was a fuck up.
I had already changed careers
a couple of times
from jobs I knew I didn’t want
to others of the same ilk.
I had a limitation of friends,
no love life to speak of,
few activities I wanted to be involved in.

I knew what I wanted to do,
what I wanted to be.
I knew what I wanted
but I was doing nothing
to make it happen.
I was a wreck.

We’re not very similar.
You’re already more accomplished
than I think I’ve ever been
but you seem stuck.
You seem like I was
a little,
destined for something else,
but just weren’t ready to start.
You should start.

You could skip my wasted years
and become what you are
with haste.
I hope you do.
I pray you start
and don’t just sit around waiting
like I continue to do.