jonberger

ALL APOLOGIES #892

Apologies to Anna:
I didn’t know you were so drunk
or that it was your first time.
I didn’t realize that you’d be upset
that I’d brag about it
after we left the bathroom
or how angry it would make your boyfriend.
Fiancé? Former fiancé?
Oh. Didn’t know that either.

I didn’t understand how big that guy was
or just how disciplined he was at Krav Maga.
Hell, I didn’t know what Krav Maga was
or how effective it could be.

I didn’t get the sense of just how fertile you were
or the tenets of modern Catholicism
– though, really, you could have clued me in
on both of those.

But really
I was in the dark about any number of aspects
of the evening
and I’d like to tender my apologies
for every last bit of it.

I’d have done it in person, too
but that’ll have to wait until I regain
appropriate motor control.
Anyway: how’s the kid?

TO THE GUY I TRIPPED ON ON MY WAY TO THE STAGE

Fuck you, you fucking fuck.
You fucking retard.
Why would you stand there
knowing I was coming this way?
Didn’t it occur to you
that someone important
might be ready to come through here?

Did you really think
that was the best place
to leave your feet,
right where
I could step on them?

I almost stubbed a toe!
You better watch where I’m going
next time
or it could get ugly
for all of us
– but mostly you.

A PRODUCT REQUEST

More boob.
The photos you send me online
should show
more boobage
and more fishnet
and more slut.

The cleavage quotient
that you provide
is diminished, deteriorated
and takes too long to download.

There should be more of the dirty
less of the prim.
Provide me with appropriate sexschwa
to get me through the night
and half past morning.

Give me precisely what I want
with none of what I don’t.
This really shouldn’t be too hard
to figure out.
More sleaze, please,
and make it free-er.

REQUIREMENTS

You don’t have to be a quadrillionaire
or build a business
or have a big family
or become a celebrity.

You don’t need to have a legacy
or set yourself apart from your parents
or take care of your parents
in their final senile years.

You don’t have to change the world
or your community
or even impact on others very much
– nor need you ensure your footprint is small
carbon or otherwise.

All of these
– any of them –
could be required for your path
on this plane
but none are necessary.
What’s important
is contentment.
So answer this
for yourself
and none other:
Are you happy?

Really?
You are?
Are you sure?

SCORNED EARTH

She said,
You should know better
than to argue with a Philosophy major
in law school.
His mind is sharp,
his arguments elastic,
his wit and will to win
inexhaustible.
The law student
with a major in philosophy
will beat you every time.

Well, she said,
what do you have to say?
After the boy with all the degrees
has argued you into a hole
leaving you sputtering platitudes
and panicked cliches, what –
Wait! She said,
Where are you going with that mallet?
To teach the boy with the degrees
not argue with a poet
with the proper tools.

PARK ON PARK

Her 364 days of sobriety
began with an unfortunate night
last year
when she had a little too much whiskey
and far too much bourbon.

She ended up on a park bench
on Park Avenue
minus her glasses
and her underwear
but with the value added
of a triple dose of shame.

She swore not to drink again
and, one say at a time,
has kept that vow
making amends
walking steps
living with the absence
of what was once so important.

And the apologies she makes
to so many of her friends and acquaintances
over the years
have been heartfelt
and embarrassingly awkward
and occasionally impromptu
as she sometimes flashes on
the most shameful details
in the strangest of places.

She has not apologized to me.
Is she saving me for later?
Does she not remember
what we did
and where we were
in the park near Park
this time last year?

She hasn’t said anything
and I hope
it is because
it was erased from memory
and not a mistake at all.