Author Archives: Jonathan Berger

To the guy in the back of the room shouting “Down in front! Down in front!” over and over again over the course of the evening letting people know, apparently, that he’s been inconvenienced by the people who have chosen … Continue reading →

Nobody talks about the Lawn Rock scene anymore or any of the old bands back then like Hard Crime Henley or Pukka Style or any of the clubs that used to scare all the neighbors with the noise and the … Continue reading →

I thought maybe you’d like me more if I was thinner so I started taking pills. Thirty pounds lighter and not a single better look from you so I thought maybe taller’d do the trick. Lifts and stilts and some … Continue reading →

That story you told about your horrible experience being beaten up by Albert Schweitzer and his psychopathic dog soldiers back in the eighties and how it changed your life teaching you the value of serenity and learning to love oneself … Continue reading →

There are things we don’t discuss subjects we avoid like Voldemort words we avoid buoys in a sea of placidity. We play Hot Potato with topics that could destroy us if we light on them for too long. Instants of … Continue reading →

Nice shoes. They look uncomfortable. I’m not being sarcastic or anything else. I can’t tell if they’re sexyor cheap. I know that I’m neither but opposites attract or something so I’m looking at you and your heels through those sort … Continue reading →

It better be worth it. Whatever it is you have to say now it better be damned good. You’ve been silent for so long, so however you want to break the streak, if it’s not memorable, if it’s not golden, … Continue reading →

Thanks to Officer Drummond who made the experience at the police station fast and relatively stress-free. The courtesy and professionalism provided was a surprise and frankly, in stark relief to everything I’d heard about from peers and partners in similar … Continue reading →

Sure, you can push the release back. You can schedule it whenever you want – it’s your release. You call the shots but if you do it’ll just be hanging over your head all the longer. Think: if you postpone … Continue reading →

The way they’re treating you? The way you’re feeling? Remember it. Let it sink in. Keep this in mind and in gut and all the way through your entire system. When they chameleon change on you – whether next week … Continue reading →